Good afternoon! DH and I are coming to a close with our classes. YEA! We have been speaking alot lately about teen girls. From what we are told there is a great need for this area. Our classes have had a goood bit of discussion with "protecting" ourselves from any false acusations. Are there any foster parents on here that have had experience with teen girls that can share with us? Like whether it has been favorable or would they never do it again........
Thank you in advance
We are fostering to adopt a teen girl (13) along with her 14 year old brother.
Both were sexually abused.
My husband and I both work in law enforcement so we would loose our jobs immediately if there were any false allegations. This, of course, was a huge concern to us.
The kids have been with us for 10 months and we've certainly have had our ups and downs. My son is diagnosed with FASD which carries it's own set of issues but my daughter is the one I really know I'm going to have my hands full with.
She internalizes alot of her feelings and has put up huge walls. We had a huge argument with her last night - lots of disrespect from her. I am in the process of trying to get her more intensive therapy.
Even child is different - with teens you have to stay on top of them and one step ahead of them at all times. But I think that goes for any teens - except ours come with alot of baggage, too.
I say go for it. There is definately a need for homes for older kids.
We had fostered one teen girl and were planning on adopting her. Needless to say we were NOT prepared for her and her issues!!!! I had no clue what RAD was and no clue how to handle it. Her needs were too much for us so in the end the placement did not work out. I take my hat off to those who can handle teens. Not only do they have the every day teen problems, but they have other issues from being in the system and coming from abuse/neglect etc. I would be cautious if you have other kids in the home. Good luck to you!
Thank you! I wish we knew what to do. We have no children living at home. They are all grown and gone. If we take teens then if a younger sibling group comes into fc we wont have that opprotunity. SIGH!
Thank you! I wish we knew what to do. We have no children living at home. They are all grown and gone. If we take teens then if a younger sibling group comes into fc we wont have that opprotunity. SIGH!
That's true, so you'll have to weigh it carefully. HOWEVER - as experienced parents who have already been through "the teens", you might do very well with a teenager!
We fostered teen girls and boys as well. Hubby and I enjoyed it. Our first placement was a teenage girl back in the days. Like with all teenagers ups and downs, but overall we had a great experience. We only deal with older kids now, because we believe they so often forgotten so I think it is great that you are considering you certainly have great experience.
We adopted our oldest at age eleven, and at fifteen she did make false allegations. It was pure hell. It's the single biggest factor preventing us from moving forward on another adoption now, twenty years after the fact.
Not taking teens does not guarentee you won't have false allegations, either. The lies can hit you from the parents or from anyone else who happens to be mad at you, because the system is set up so people are not accountable for making false reports of abuse.
If your careers depend on not ever having a chance of false allegations, then IMO foster parenting of any age child is not a good idea. But then I'm a cynic. Lately I've been working hard to remind myself that while one of our kids made false allegations, the other seven did not.
We've fostered several teen girls, some single and some with babies. I have never had a foster teen girl come without a HUGE attitude. It drives me nuts, but I'm told my laid back personality seems to soothe their behavior... could have surprised me since I think they are all still out of control.:arrow:
Bless you for considering older children. In my area it is so needed. Often teens end up in group homes because there just aren't enough foster homes willing to take them in and take a chance... and it is a chance.
I've fostered teen girls. The ones that ended successfully were still the most challenging times I've ever had. Like a previous poster said, they ALL come with a difficult attitude to manage. "End successfully" means that they didn't disrupt before they aged-out to independent living. Some did disrupt for various reasons, usually because they prefered to try a different foster home, rather than follow house rules. All of our girls were taken for the long-haul, not just to foster. When/if they wanted to be adopted, we were willing from the onset.
The ones that disrupted really broke my heart, so much so that we've gone to baby/toddler foster care right now, while we wait for a foster to adopt infant. I started taking teen girls when my own oldest daughter was an older teen. So, I had quite a bit of parenting experience. I also was a crisis intervention counselor and had the training that comes with that. And it was the hardest thing I ever did. But I can honestly say that every single hard time, difficult attitude, obnoxious look, mean or nasty comment was absolutely worth it. I am SOOOO glad that I did it. I made a difference in each of their lives in a very real way. I didn't cure them. I didn't give them an outlook that helped turn them into doctors or CEOs (yet), I didn't take away their pain, or magically heal their self esteem.
But I did love them unconditionally, and they knew it. I did invest in them, and never turned away. I helped them learn how to trust again. And they still call. They still call me their mom, and they bring their babies over for me to hug and kiss and stamp my approval. My approval is still so important to each one.
So, like the Army (Marines?) commercial says, "It's the toughest job you'll ever love." But you may not love it until it's done!
There is such a huge need. I don't know what your faith is, but if you believe that Jesus is calling you to it, just know that He will supply your every need. He will give you the patience, the peace, the strength to do it. Because where we are weak, He is strong.
Thank you very much for sharing your experiences with us! It is greatly appreciated. I loved the teenage years with my boys but I had raised them so I am sure it will be totally different.
Who ever thought making a decision would be so hard?
I went through an agency since my county didn't offer home study. My worker found a "Match" of 13 yr old girl from a "group home". I was so excited. The initial conference revealed a few issues they said were based off her rejection and being a teen. They gave me a report that either left items blank or said "None" when referencing any Medical/Behavior probs or conditions. I agreed to meet based on the initial conference and their report.
Unfortunately, the worker failed to give me the "complete report" until the morning I met my potential daughter. It totally contradicted what they shared with me. The child was in a detention center not a group home!! Her diagnosis was very severe. Much of what I was told and what was fact differed in a huge way! The worse was that she has RAD which is a serious attachment disorder, as well as possible schizophrenia and other disorders. I don't know how my agency "matched" me as I was very clear that I couldn't handle violence and sexual acting out, etc. I have extended family of young children that I have to ensure their safety as well as my own and my pets. I wasn't expecting perfect but I never would have agreed to even meet her, had this been disclosed. I was told the violent, mentally impaired, druggy, gang member father was living in another state and found out she has regular visits with him (when she sees grandparents) and he lives nearby. Then the teen informed me that she sees her grandparents every other weekend, not sporadic as I was told. That would be equal to "co parenting". I was very upset with the social worker as well as my agency for not being honest. Either they didn't know and they should have or they purposely omitted important info. The worse part is that this girl is the vulnerable one. Based on our few visits, I'm hoping if she is as impaired as the comprehensive report revealed that she will be oblivious to another letdown. She certainly is on enough psychotropic meds where it may not even phase her. Regardless, the "experts" did her and me and the whole process a disservice. I will eventually adopt but I will never take the workers words for anything. I will take extra time and research before I even allow them to introduce another child to me. Please trust but verify. It is unfair to all involve not to have important info to make the right decisions and know what help you'd need prior to placing a child. Blessings to all in your journey!
Wow! After reading this I have to wonder how I got so lucky! M is such a good kid, if I ever have to discipline her about something, it never happens again. The hardest thing I go through with her is getting her to open up about what she's feeling... she's so used to bottling it up that she doesn't realize that it's okay now to just feel, just be a teenager... she's so used to taking care of everyone else, she forgets to take care of herself.
I love her more than I can put into words and I would probably adopt twenty kids if they were all like her!