Closing an open adoption destroys the birthmother who chose you and harms the child

In the dictionary the term Gain is defined as to "obtain or secure something desired" Notice the word someTHING, not someONE. I don't mean to be too literal here but we are discussing the use of a particular word that I found offensive.Did we desire to be parents? Yes of course we did but I can never accept it as our gain in the face of our son's loss. I love him more than my own life so how can his great loss be my gain?Furthermore, particularly in an open adoption where I speak to his birth mother every week and sometimes daily.... her heartbreak is palpable to me. Her pain my gain? No way. Not mine. Not me. We are in this together.Am I glad she chose us to parent? Am I thrilled that he is a healthy and beautiful boy? Is my life more full? Am I blessed? YES. But there is a lot of emotional trauma in our little triad now and dare I say some of it may be mine in the future. Who knows?You know what it is? It feels like gloating. And I have enough of a grasp of the complexity of the situation not to see it as a 'win' or a 'gain' or anything like that. I never saw motherhood as a prize. More like a privilege.