Closing an open adoption destroys the birthmother who chose you and harms the child

If we break it down the way it's always been seen: Birth mother = loss Baby = loss and gain Adoptive parent = gain It seems to me that each member of the Triad loses and gains something over the course of a successful open adoption. In some cases the adopting parent is also a birth parent, or has suffered multiple miscarriages or even stillbirths. She may be jealous or envious of the birth mother's relationship with her child. If we look at the big picture I still think the view that one woman loses and one gains is overly simplistic. But yes, if we look at the day the mother makes the decision to place or signs the TPR, the day she walks away and faces her life without her the baby she has carried ....that is an agony I will probably never be able to imagine. I guess it's a matter of "adoption" in the literal sense vs. the quest for a healthy open adoption and all that the birth mother will gain through an ongoing relationship with her child. Open adoption can be HARD. THe whole point is to support the triad so simple statements like that are very discouraging.