Closing an open adoption destroys the birthmother who chose you and harms the child

Oceans you so right. I have full feelings of responsibility for helping E's birthmother heal and not only do I now realize that won't work, but it is actually more about my own guilt. Just as she has to cope with her own loss, I have to cope with my own guilt. I have to stop thinking of OA as some kind of supersalve! Even though I may have an ideal about women helping each other etc. the trauma to a birth mother is just outside the scope of my understanding. It has taken me over a year to understand that it is not the same as a death, or just living apart...it is not the same as healing from the guilt of a pregnancy termination. It's not the same as anything. I really could use support for when the guilt hits me hard (like right now or when I read certain posts on this site). But what support is there? It is what it is? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it IS black and white One gains and one loses. And open adoption is irrelevant to the loss.