Closing an open adoption destroys the birthmother who chose you and harms the child

But yes, if we look at the day the mother makes the decision to place or signs the TPR, the day she walks away and faces her life without her the baby she has carried ....that is an agony I will probably never be able to imagine. I guess it's a matter of "adoption" in the literal sense vs. the quest for a healthy open adoption and all that the birth mother will gain through an ongoing relationship with her child.