Can anyone tell me how having bio and adopted kids has affected your family if at all?
DH and I adopted last year but due to DD's health issues, we may try to have a bio child next time around. I'd love to hear from folks who have done both.
We have had our daughter home for 4 years now. Our bio dd was 4 when we brought home her (then 2 year old) sister. After we got past the initial adjustment (about 10 days), they have been the best of siblings. They play beautifully, look out for each other and fight. If they looked alike, you'd never suspect that one was adopted.
We also had an 11 week old baby when we brought her home and added another baby 18 months ago. The four are so cute together. I just love watching my little crew. We are looking into adopting a sibling group and the kids can't wait. They are really excited about adding more kids to the family.
My son, whom we adopted at birth, was only a year old when I gave birth to his sister. He has his share of jealousy, but it has nothing to do with the fact that she is biological. It just has to do with the fact that he is a 21 month old that doesn't want baby sis playing with his toys. My kids are just that, my kids. No difference between them. I'm sure when we get older their will be lots of conversation about the different ways they came to be in our family. We will stress how no one way to make a family is better than the other. We love them equally, treat them equally. I can't imagine that it will really make much difference that one is adopted and the other biological. Family is family. Simple as that.
Best of luck to you! We also adopted first and then had a bio child. All three kiddos are still under 2yrs so they hardly noticed when a new baby was added to the mix. It was tough to be pregnant for the first time and yet already be a mom to a toddler (exhausting). But of course I absolutely wouldn't change a thing. I can't wait to watch my kids grow up together!!
We have a bio ds (5) and adoptive dd (1 1/2), we are currently in the process of adopting again, but had a disruption in Feb. (bmom decided to parent). Our DS is very excited and I think it felt like it was natural for us to adopt. I think a lot of it is in how it's presented to your child. I also agree that when we brought Dd home at 12 days old, it was the regular sibling adjustment, which we expect again.
I think a big concern for us while we are waiting that since we already had a disruption this time around, we need to be more careful in how we present our next match when it occurs. We were grateful that we never got K home in Feb. (interstate adoption) and that although we met her, our children hadn't. We've also spent a lot of time dicscussing with DS that we will get the right baby for our family and that K wasn't (and we discussed that prior to our match, just like we had with our first DD).
Anyway, good luck, and if your child is old enough to understand, be honest (age appropriately of course) with why you're doing it this way. (ds was 3, we just said that mommy and daddy want more babies but mommy can't grow one in her tummy like I did with you) Get your child excited about how neat it is to have a bigger family, but that it will be an adjustment and he/she may get mad or sad and that's okay too. Talk to your SW and see if she/he has any resources.
We had 2 boys bio when we adopted our little girl. They were 5 and 3 at the time. Although they were young they looked at it like mommy had another baby, their sister. We are getting ready to start again probably mid year at adopting #2 (4th child). When I talked to my oldest about it (now almost 9). He said, can we get a boy? lol I told him we would choose gender this time and just get what God gives us (if its meant to be). Also had to explain to him that the baby and him would be almost 10 yrs apart by the time it happened. So...anyway, they took it great! I dont think kids read into it as much as we think they do!
Our bio son was 4 when we started the adoption process that brought our wonderful son into our family and is now 4 1/2.
They are two typical brothers who fight, laugh, and are just siblings. I see nothing different than what my sister and I had when we were growing up.
Good luck and can't wait to hear more!
We had bio sons ages 4 and 9 when we adopted a five year old daughter. Other than the jealousy over her getting so much attention when she came to the family it seemed fine all around. The boys had a sister.
When they were 11, 12, and 16 I got pregnant and we added another bio boy to the family. All seemed equally happy about their little brother.
My daughter was not interested in meeting her birth relatives at all until she was 21 and since then it has been a strain because she pretty much has abandoned all of her adoptive relatives and that has been the hardest situation to deal with. Growing up? Growing pains for all four, but this disconnection has been just plain painful. Her brothers are kind of angry with her for not acting like she wants to be part of their lives. She is part of her half bio siblings' lives, the ones she found when we helped her reunite.
Good luck. Just being honest. :) HUGS
Our oldest DS, whowas adopted, was 13 mo. old when we found out I was pg. They are 21 mo. apart, and they are brothers through-and-through.
My son is our miracle IVF baby (although he is now 12 and not such a baby anymore) lol. Our daughter was adopted at birth. We love them both so much. It never crosses our minds that they are any different. Love transcends all boundaries.
I thought that too...and God bless you for weighing in on this...I have three sons born to me and adopted Star at age five...and when she never calls, never writes, never shows that she wants us in her life... the love is all i have. I don't think of her in any other way than my daughter but she treats her adoptive family like we don't exist. Sad but true.
It isn't as much about how we love and treat our adopted is about how they come with others...and how they gravitate to others when they are old enough to choose. XO
My bio boys were five and 7 when we adopted our daughter who was then 10 months old. Those three were I think 7, 12 and 14 when we brought home our youngest who was 6. The older three are tightly bonded, the youngest has been diagnosed with RAD and so things are different with him. I love them all the same and the love they have for each other has nothing to do with biology.
I have already helped my daughter find her biological family. My son's first mom passed away, but we do have some contact with his father. Unfortunately he wants nothing to do with my son. A good friend of mine is adopted and did find her first family a few years ago but still has a great relationship with her adoptive parents. In fact right now she is living with them, she had a difficult pregnancy and her boyfriend left so she and her daughter moved home. She and her amom are very, very close and she is a daddy's girl with her adad. So I know that things can be good. However, some kids do leave and don't come back. My daughter and I are very close and I believe we always will be, my son has issues and may choose to dump us when he is an adult. Yes it will hurt, but I will know I did my best. I also know people who raised biological children who don't ever call or visit.
Hi there,
My name is Rosie Waterfield, and I am a third year Counselling Psychology student at Regent’s University London currently recruiting participants for my doctoral research.
I am hoping to promote my research, with hopes that members of the forum may be interested in either taking part or passing on information to a family member.
My research is interested in non-adopted siblings’ experiences of their adopted sibling’s search and reunion journey. So far, researchers have explored the experiences of adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents in the search and reunion journey. These findings have been invaluable in informing practitioners (such as therapists, psychologists, social workers, and adoption workers) in their work with adoptive families, as well as helping adoptive families to understand the impact of search and reunion on family members.
In my reading of the literature, I noticed that no researchers have looked at the search and reunion experiences of the non-adopted siblings (i.e. the biological children of the parents who adopted a child). My research argues the importance of validating each family member’s unique experience, and aims to gain a deeper understanding of the search and reunion process from a new and different angle: through the eyes of non-adopted siblings.
This research is also close to home, because my sister is an adoptee. She searched for and reunited with her birth family just under ten years ago, which was a powerful experience for our whole family.
Participation would involve a conversation lasting about one hour with me to explore your experience of the search and reunion journey. Travel reimbursement is available, although I am also happy to travel to a location convenient to you.
Here is a link to my research website for your reference:
The website has further information about the study, ethical approval and participant inclusion/exclusion criteria.
Many thanks,
I am hoping to promote my research, with hopes that members of the forum may be interested in either taking part or passing on information to a family member.