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Glittergirl515 - I have a suggestion, if you don't mind...
When we were in the process of matching for our second adoption (which ultimately fell through because mom chose to parent), we tried to put her in touch with our twins' birthmom so she could get an idea of our parenting from someone who had already made the choice to place with us.
Of course, this won't work if you match with a family who doesn't yet have children, but it's an idea.
I wish you the best as you make this decision. I won't even pretend to understand what you're going through, but my prayers are definitely with you!