Once you have your baby you will not " want " to give your baby up
I don't think anyone but the person going thru the experience will know what they will and will not want. There are a number of women who place and are perfectly at peace with that decision.
While I am not happy with the parents my daughter ultimately ended up with, I very much believe I made the right decision when I chose to place my daughter for adoption.
The bottom line, providing information so a woman can make an informed decision is the only way to ensure that a woman is not coerced into placing or parenting…and yes, both things DO happen.
As for finding the ‘right’ parents – to be totally honest with you…it’s a crap shoot. There are just as many bad adoptive parents as there are biological parents…(percentage wise) and there is no guarantee, regardless of what a homestudy, social worker or person says…things change…
Mental illness that occurs later in life.
Divorce
Mid-Life Crisis that results in a total change in stability for the family
And yes, complete and total fabrication of who the couple really is, during the home study process (it happens…I’ve seen it (and been subjected to it)).
While all of those things above are scary and may freak you out – I think that, over all, the incidence of those things (divorce, mid-life crisis and mental illness) are the same (per-capita) that you’d see in biological families…
The saying is true…you can’t pick your parents…
Which makes it really hard – when you’re trying to pick your child’s parents.
My advice, do your research. Watch for warning signs. Keep an eye out for red flags. Do whatever you need to do to make you comfortable.
If I had it to do over again, I might have requested more in depth research into the mothers mental health background. I might have asked to see a copy of both of their resumes, to see what their job stability looked like. Most of all, I think I would have been more ‘in tune’ with the things going on around me…I think if I were, I might have been able to pick up on the little things that, now, seem so freakin obvious.
In adoption, you can’t promise your child the perfect life…you can just promise them a different one than they would have had with you.
