Just a curious question sparked from another post:
Is an in-person meeting with a Potential/Expectant Birthmom a common occurrence? Especially if you are in different states?
We tried to have a meeting with our first mom at placement but she declined as she was happy with us and her choice. We did have a call with her prior to placement for us all to meet. The adoption agency scheduled it and it was a good 45 minute call which put us all at ease. HTH!!
Cameron's birthmom wanted to meet us after matching, so we flew home over a weekend and drove to see her. We were on the west coast, she in the midwest. She was about 30 weeks along then. We also met with her twice before she gave birth to him. All were very pleasant experiences and I'm really glad we had those opportunities.
ETA-we also spoke weekly on the phone and sent her cards and pictures while she was pregnant, at her request.
My daughters' birthmom wanted to meet us in person after we had matched. We matched one Saturday, met her the following Saturday after driving nine hours to the next state, and the babies were born (nine weeks early!) the next Saturday. Definitely a whirlwind!
We talked on a phone a couple of times in the two weeks we were matched and saw her several times after the babies were born, as they spent 29 days in the NICU.
We were in the same state - but I didn't match until I had met the couples I was interested in knowing more about.
I don't (personally) see how you can make a life long commitment to someone you've never met...and what's what I was doing.
Those uninterested or unable to meet (and basically do a Q&A face to face type interview) pre-match were clearly not the right people for me!
It's what you want. There is no right or wrong answer.
Our daughter's birthmother didn't want to meet us (she also didn't see or hold the baby). She didn't want to talk to us on the phone either. We were really surprised and disappointed; we wanted to meet her so badly. During our 3 day stay at the hospital, she was only down the hall from us (she had a c-section and had to stay). We kept telling the social workers if she changed her mind, we would love to meet her. But I guess that was just her way of dealing with things and so we respected her privacy. Its funny, we went to several adoption education classes sponsored by the agency about open adoption and we were so excited for that; they told us that was what most birthmoms want. And how we ended up in a semi-closed adoption I'll never know. So plan for a meeting but prepare that maybe you won't meet her.
I was a birthmom 16 years ago. I wanted to meet the adoptive family but they had never heard of such a thing and were too afraid. They said they didn't want to get attached to me and then I might change my mind after the birth. They did agree to meet my grandparents though so my grandma told them everything I wanted them to know about me and asked the questions I needed answers to. Now that I am waiting to adopt I hope I can meet our child's birthmom to make sure she knows everything I wanted to know when I was in her shoes. Our agency says about 80% of the birthmoms they work with want to meet you at least once before the birth. Hope this helps!
Just a curious question sparked from another post:
Is an in-person meeting with a Potential/Expectant Birthmom a common occurrence? Especially if you are in different states?
We met the other Moms of our children in both situations prior to birth, and since. We continue to communicate on the level that they prefer. Open adoption in our province is a given as all records are considered open unless the parties choose otherwise.
We have 3 children through adoption. We have only met one of our son's moms after we were matched. It was an awesome experience, and I am so thankful for that meeting. We continue to keep in touch with letters, pics and gifts. We have even met Grandma out shopping one day. :)
We also have a semi-open arrangement with our other son's mom. We exchange letters, pics and gifts, but have never met.
We have a closed adoption with our daughter's mom, and it will remain that way.
We met both of our daughter's birthmoms. We also had a failed placement and we met that mom, too. All were out of state.
We also met both of our children's birthfamilies prior to their births and now are so lucky to have on-going relationships with many extended family in both children's families. Inititally, when I heard of open adoption, I wanted the kindn of openness that meant we met at the birth and then that was it. I then learned that more openness might be a really great thing -- and many lesson later, we met both families and enjoyed our extended family gradually growing. They've been more surprised than we were.
In both adoption waiting times, we met with more than one expectant mom who wanted to meet us (and we wanted to meet her) -- and that helped us all decide if these were the right situations for us all. Best of luck as you move through your adoption journey. susan
The birthparents of our twins didn't want to meet us. They didn't want to choose a family either... We're going to send them updates but they will probably not reply.
It's sad I think, fortunately they filled in some forms so we know quite a bit about them, what they like, their character... just not what they look like.
Firm, believer in open adoption, not only do I know the birth families of my boys, but we maintain on going contact via phone calls, visits, pictures, and family vacations. I hope that we will always be a forever family.
We met with the birthmother of our DD before she was born, as well as with her own mother and stepdad in TX. Her biological father and sister live in another state, but we would have met them too if they had been closer. We met several times more before DD was born, and after we took her back to our hotel, met with the bmom and bGM twice more before we headed back to MD. We met many more members of bmom's extended family at the hospital. Bmom and bGM even attended the 14 day pediatrician visit with us. We speak by phone at least once a week, send emails and pictures often, and will be seeing each other in 3 months.
Having an open relationship with bmom and her family has enriched us so much, and we're sure it will do the same for DD. With the overwhelming love and gratitude we feel towards her, having this relationship was really a no-brainer for us.