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Thread: adopted men
I dont get around these parts often, but today I had a moment to cruise through here and came across this post and wanted to respond, male adoptees on any adoption board is slim.
Personally for me it is difficult for me to enter into a realationship, I think at times im overly selective. Im in my mid 30's and have had a few genuine relationships thats lasted a couple of years at least, where I've fell for and truley cared for my g/f, however, it takes a lot for me to get there. I can tell you that if I can get beyond being so selective and picky its like my body physically desires to w/draw from her. It's as if I go on some sort of high alert or protective mode and I deeply feel like I need to get the hell out of their. This occurs somewhere when "storng like" begins to turn into love. Consciously Im fully aware there's a reason Im that close to a girl and that being with her is a good thing, a very good thing. Im also aware how rediculous it is to feel that way, but its an autonomic sub-conscious response. I withdraw, I pretend im super busy and avoid phone calls, or I'll purposely call at inconveinient times. I simply cant control ths feeling, but I do know all I have to do is ride it out. A couple of the relationships Ive had over the years I've lived about an hour away from them, another defense mechanism, so if the crap hits the fan I can get out quick fast and in a hurry knowing IM litterally at a safe distance. Once I get past this hump, its always been smooth sailing from there though.
On another note, once i get to the place where I deeply care and having that "relationship" and giving myself unconditionally to the relationship the break up sucks, badly. It's extremely painful for me, i usually dont eat for weeks, or eat very little, it consumes my thoughts while im trying to detox from the relationship, an Im usually not ready to date for another couple of years after the fact. And not to mention that the sting becomes worse and worse with each breakup making it more difficult to find the desire to find or enter into a new relatinship.
I remain optomistic- Always- being truly in love is a very cool thing and beats out the pain of breaking up any day of the week. Its like learning to ride a bike as a kid, taking those falls sucks bad, but the reward of successfully riding that bike out weighs that hurt by far.
best wishes
~John