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We adopted ds from foster care; he was placed with us at 5 months, and is now 4 years old. We also fostered his younger sister, but a month before we finalized on him, she was ru'd with bmom.We (meaning dh and I) have tried really hard to maintain a relationship with bmom and fd in order to allow the kids to remain in contact. We have had mixed success, but last night really pushed me over the edge.Bmom called after 2 months without contact. I won't go into all of the gory details, but suffice to say she was very accusatory and hurtful, and I don't see anyway to maintain any sort of non-poisonous relationship with this woman, and given that fd lives with her full time, I don't know how we can have a positive relationship with fd either. I am so very sad.
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Maybe she will come around. With my last placement mom would always strip baby O down and check him from head to toe for abuse. She was insistant that we had to be abusing him because "that's what happens in fostercare" She also was furious with me because he was 11 mo. old and I didn't buy him any shoes in the 1st two weeks he was with me. (He was very sick when he came to us and was running 104 fever and had two reactive airway episodes that landed him in the emergency room both times. Shoes were the last thing on my mind for a child that was not walking yet and didn't really need them especially while he was so sick. I did however spend $250. in the first few days on all of his other needs. He came to us with a pair of pajamas that were too small, three diapers, 1/2 pkg wipes, a baby blanket and a coat.
One day she was super nice to me and grateful for the care we were giving baby O. The next time we would see her she would be in a rage and be infuriated with me for who knows what imaginary reason. She actually asked us to adopt him and two or three days later was saying we were abusing him. Next time I saw her she wasn't mad anymore and was as friendly as could be.
Hope things in your situation work out for the best!!
I don't think she is going to come around. We adopted ds almost two years ago, and fd has been back with bmom almost two years. Bmom can't accept that she has any responsibility in losing ds...she instead choosing to believe I "stole" him (not sure why then fd was returned to her, because we would have "stolen" her too if we could have!). I know this is best right now....ds was acting out all day yesterday after talking with bmom and fd...but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Ugh.
i'm sorry...you know i dread the same thing happening to me. i watch what you go through and i'm scared outta my mind. i'm sorry it can't be easier, i know it would be so neat for your son to grow up having a relationship with at least his sister. but you also have to think about how it effects him now. :( i don't know what i'd do! hang in there :(
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