Advertisements
Advertisements
Viewing Single Post
I am curious as to what other adoptees call their "biological mother."
I try to avoid the term "birthmother" because, for me, it implies that this woman did more than just give birth. I am really at a loss when it comes to adequately explaining this, but I will try. :o The word "birthmother" seems much more intimate, like there is a connection between she & the adopted child, and I do not feel a connection or any feeling of intimacy when it comes to the woman who gave birth to me. If I were in reunion or had developed some kind of relationship with this woman, perhaps I'd feel differently and want to use the word "birthmom" to describe her.
I refer to her as my "biological mother," and I even take small issue with this phrasing. I like "biological" because it simply implies that [in scientific terms] I am a "product" of another living thing. I take issue, though, with the use of "mother." "Mother" is defined as "a woman who has given birth to a child." For ME personally, however, I prefer to define "mother" as "the natural or social female parent of an offspring."
In my situation, my adoptive mom [who I rarely refer to in this way; I generally do not refer to her as my "a-mom" either - I usually just call her "mom!"] is my "natural" and "social" parent. I only have one mom. In regards to my biological mother, the word "mother" - for me - implies that this woman had a hand in "mothering" or "nurturing" me, and clearly, she did not.
What I am about to say is probably going to garner some negative responses, but I am prepared for that and I do not say this with disrespect for biological mother's or father's, nor do I intend to belittle them or claim that they are of no value. For all intents and purposes, in my own adoption situation, my biological mother is really no more than an egg and uterus to me, and my biological father is really no more than a sperm donor. IF - and this is a big if - I were blessed enough to have contact with my biological mother, perhaps I would feel differently and, having had established some kind of connection, [whether it be asking questions & getting answers or having a "friendship" where we sent emails and Christmas cards once and awhile] I would most likely be able to see her as a person instead of an obscure, unimaginable entity. The use of "sperm donor" in reference to my biological father is more fitting - he apparently "casually dated" my biological mother, and she discovered her pregnancy after they had broken up. She never told him that she was pregnant, let alone tell him that she was relinquishing the child that he created for adoption.
All that being said - I know that there are a lot of ways to refer to a biological mother..."birthmom," "first mom," "natural mom," "angel mom," etc. What do you call her, and why?
:eyebrows:
1 Liked
 likes this.