so, yesterday the previous foster mother came to my childrens after school progam and professed her love of MY children. She told them how much she missed them and asked if they would keep a secret...then she said she was appealing the adoption because she wants them back. She went on and on about how their dogs miss them and about how much her and her husband love them and want them back. Luckily, my daughter said she wasn't comfortable keeping that secret from me and told me. My kids said they were upset and didn't know what to feel seeing her. Obviously it was very confusing to them. That woman and her husband fostered the kids for almost 2 years flip-flopping over whether or not to adopt them. They even brought the kids to social services 3 times in 1 year with the intention of turning over for a different family. But when it came down to having the social worker show up and remove the kids, they always changed their mind. Then they decided to adopt, but they only wanted my daughter because she is the "good one" they said. My son has a learning disability and was about to get kicked out of the 1st grade for violent behavior and they just "couldn't handle it". I am so frustrated that this woman is essentially stalking my children and I feel helpless to stop it.
So, after talking to my social worker, I've decided my first course of action will be to write a complaint letter to the afternoon program. I will state that I am requesting this individual to not be around my children as her presence is detrimental to their new home and is undermining the postive family environment they are in now. It is putting pressure on my children's loyality and attachments. If this issue is not resolved, I will be seeking a restraining order. At least that's somewhat of how I hope it will go. I'm trying to take the higher road here. I will be cc:ing it to the judge and social workers' office in hopes it may do some good. It is very frustrating going through the whole adoption licensing, approval, etc. and to see the beautiful light at the end of the tunnel, only to have a very selfish couple try to cloud it up. They had two years with the kids and didn't adopt, and only now, after they have been adopted by my husband and I do they decide they want them. It is crazy. Really crazy. This woman is a school counselor for petes sake and here she is stalking my kids. Her husband was already banned from their school because he couldn't stay away from them. My God, who do they think they are? And what Judge in their right mind would think that their home is a better environment they mine? We are not perfect people, but the best interest of our children comes first, NOT our selfishness.
I was told to keep a journal of everything if this whole appeal thing goes to court. That's the purpose of this. Yesterday, I filed a restraining order against the former foster family. They should be served today. I feel like I'm stuck in a Lifetime movie. It sucks. These people are totally insane. I found out that they made my kids talk to their "dad" (the former foster father). Their "dad" told them they are painting "their" bedrooms for when they come "home". That's psycho talk. I've had entirely enough. I am their adoptive mother and my protective instincts have arrived.
I am in need of some advice. I have a journal here that's public for more info. Thanks.
Wow....what a crazy situation. I don't see how they can have any recourse if the adoption has already happened. I can't imagine them being taken seriously after being so wishy-washy for so long. It will be great though to have this come to an end so you can get on with a normal family life.Good luck, I hope it is resolved very soon.
This is terrible - I'm sorry this is happening to your family. Is the adoption finalized? What legal do these people actually have at this point?
You might want to post this on the adopting through foster care board - I'm sure people would have a lot of good advice.
Thanks for writing. The adoption was finanlized on March 10 this year. They are saying that the social worker went ahead with the (our) adoption knowing the ffp's wanted to adopt. I guess we'll just wait and see.
I'm truly sorry this is the experience you are now having with a foster parent.. we aren't all like that and it's unfortunate you got the rotten apple out of a huge barrel!
You might want to ensure the kids schools, day program, and anywhere else that the kids would be without you has a copy of the restraining order and a picture of the couple so they can call the police if they show up.
It sounds like you're well versed on how to handle this situation... here's what a worker in my area has told us to do when we have a court ordered "No Contact" on a parent and they show up at school or other location: Ensure the child is separated and neither party can see each other, have someone distract the parent by discussing topics other than the child while someone else calls the police (don't alert the parent), then call you while waiting on the police.
Hopefully the courts will dismiss their appeal. Not sure what date they supposedly appealed but usually any appeal has to be completed within 30 calendar days of a ruling. In addition (at least in my state) they would have to show just reason for the appeal. In my state the reason you listed wouldn't be just reason.
Truly sorry for the anxiety all of you are going through.
If the adoption has been finalized then the kids are yours. There is no going back. Especially since the kids were there and they didn't think they could keep them then, what makes them think there is anything different now. some people are just whackos. Sorry I just don't get people like this.
The adoption is final... The state is not going to entertain the possibility of having the adoption overturned. Foster parents are supposed to put it in writing that they will or won't adopt the kids. We were given that form when our son was finally released for adoption. I'm pretty sure that the state has a form signed by them saying no... why else would they allow the children to be moved to another home? They really don't have a leg to stand on in court. It's basically a nuisance lawsuit and they will end up losing their foster license behind this foolishness.
Okay, so the adoption is final? Because if it is, where the heck is the appeal coming from? I think they are a bit on the crazy side and if I were you I would follow through with both the letter to the after school program and filing for a restraining order. It's not good for the children's mental and emotional health to hear and see these people telling them crazy things like that. Also, it sounds so much like someone has a screw loose that I personally would be in fear for the childrens safety in that they might try to kidnap them or something. Crazy!! You're right, sounds like a lifetime movie! Good luck!
Even if they DID appeal, they've made a HUGE problem with any case they thought they could have had by coming to the children and asking them to keep this secret from you.
Your adoption is final, so yes, there should be absolutely no going back...but definitely keep a journal of times and dates and what was said, because this would definitely be detrimental to their "case" if they really did have one.
I think that the court typically goes with the recommendation of the social workers. It's pretty obvious that these people are not stable. The idea of adding pictures is a good one. Also, a lawyer/prosecutor friend of mine always says .... DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT EVERYTHING !!!!!! When you go into court armed with a journal of incidents and include every detail,date and time it holds a lot of weight.
All I can tell you is how badly I feel for your children. Clearly they have gone through enough and have moved and changed families several times at this they are finally settled and these crazy people are telling them they will move and disrupt again?? Insane...let the poor kids attach and settle! I hope it all goes smoothly. You need an answer on this ASAP so you can tell these kids (and hopefully get the SW to also tell them) that they are NOT going anywhere...I'm sure that is what these two kids need to hear and know.
Best of Luck...what an awful situation!
We had a bit of a similar problem years ago when accepting two children for adoption. The former fp's were asked time and again if they wanted to adopt...the response was always 'no'...even when given a couple of weeks (each time) to consider doing so.
It was the game of 'We don't want them, but we surely don't want YOU to have them either!'
Not only should the advice and notes from the caseworkers be important, but if your county and children had CASA workers, those notes and such should be helpful too, should any of this go into court.
I know the fp's of our children risked having their license taken away; and in the end, we actually had to testify in court----along with the state----to say that they'd tried to stall the adoption, cause innumerable problems with the children, etc. It was a looney-bin from the first go; but they 'lost'. Sadly, the state wouldn't take their license, but chose instead to (quote from the caseworker here)......'let them whither on the vine' and not give them anymore placements.
Not exactly what I think the state should have done; but at least no more children would be placed there.....
Keeping the journal and every single piece of paper is essential---as others have already said. I hope you find some resolution to all of this.
I'm so sorry for you that this has happened. I think you made the right move by filing a restraining order against them. I can't believe that your children's school allowed this woman to come and talk to them. Even if she met up with them on the playground/outside, the staff should have taken notice and told her to leave. It's a good thing that the judge and SW are being informed too. Hopefully, the agency will drop them as F.P.'s Their behavior is totally inappropriate.
Best of luck!
You know, it kind of reminds me of the situation I went through bringing my kids home.
They were living in a religious funded group home because there weren't enough "beds" in foster homes in our state...the homes could keep 1 child, but not both at the same time, so the group home took them in so they wouldn't be seperated.
I struck up a good rapport with the group home "house mother" over the phone after our first meeting with the children.
We went to the group home and met the kids there to take them to a water park for that weekend, and after that, the group home woman (we just met her that day in person) became SUCH a wench...she hated us...for reasons we still do not know.
She tried to get our kids to say no. She made up a false list of allegations against us (no plans on her part to adopt them...she did make a comment one time though that she hated to see them go because she knew what type of "problems" could replace nice, huh?), complained my husband worked 2 jobs (hello, I was taking care of my elderly grandmother 24/7 in her home!!!) and all sorts of things.
Once it came time to move, she asked for our address so she could forward any mail to the kids if they were to get any.
We began being inundated with mail from their "visiting families"...families with NO background checks assigned to take our kids when the other kids who had families got to go home on "leave" for the night, wanting letters and pictures and calls.
They hated us, too. When my daughter had surgery, they wouldn't even let ME in with her while they put her under anesthetic...they told the doctors "I am her guardian, she is not her mother".
The group home mother got fired over her dealings with us and then she showed up on Mother's Day last year to "see the kids". I was at work...we had celebrated the day before...I tell hubby she was touched by an angel that I wasn't there...I was so angry I could have killed. I would have been physical had I been there...she took our private information when she left because she "just had to see HER kids"?!?
My son was up all night with an upset stomach fearing she had come to take them...but we reminded him he was finalized, and that wasn't going to happen.
Long story short though...after all that's now been over a year since we finalized, and a few months shy of 2 years move in...and I've requested off this Mother's Day because of last year...if wench shows again...she'd better be ready.
So yes, this too shall pass...they've already showed their lack of true support and compassion to your kids...just keep writing EVERY little thing down that matter how small you feel it is!
Thank you all for your support. It's nice to talk to people who are going through the process (adoption, not crazy people). I just got off the phone with the court clerk. She said that it looks like the appeal will be heard. She said that they only do appeal hearings every quarter so the court date will probably be in the late fall/eary winter. We live in a small community so your support is wonderful. Our situation is a little different because we adopted our kids through the local Indian Tribe here. (my husband is 1/2 Native American). Our license was issued by the state because we don't live on the reservation. The local Tribe doesn't have anything on their law books about adoption. Our SW went with the state laws because of this. Our state law says children can be adopted after 6 months in a foster home. My biggest thing right now is: what are we going to do if the judge doesn't extend the restraining order on the 5th? Legally they are our children, but they seem to think they can visit anytime. I don't know. Thank you all for your posts. I'll keep you posted.
Since they are legally your children, you have the right to tell the school to call the police if they show up and call the police if they show up at your home. They are trespassing on both properties and regardless of an RO or not, they can't do that.
The appeal has nothing to do with their behavior and just because there is an appeal it doesn't mean they can resort to stalking, harrassment, trespassing etc.
They have no legal rights to the kids at all so you do need to be sure you get that letter to the after school program. They MUST abide by your wishes and quite frankly I'm SHOCKED that they allowed anyone other than the parents to come onto the property. If anything had happened (kidnapping etc.) they would lose their license and then some, so you need to put that in your letter too that legally they are required to keep your children safe and not allow anyone but you and xx name you give express permission to pick up etc.
No need to say it's detrimental to their attachment etc. Doesn't matter....they are your children and you do not need to give a reason WHY no one but you is allowed to contact them.