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We are okay with some openess. We've maintained a great realationship with bm over the months and we know she would like pics/letters after finalization. The problem? The sw has her own agenda and really wants to push for so much more than what we had in mind or what bm expects. But, bm is very impressionable and will want anything sw tells her is best. Is there a polite way of telling this sw otherwise? I've heard tons of stories of how sw's can play god w/ this stuff....we don't want to be bitter - this should be a happy thing!!!
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We have the exact same situation with our daughter's SW, except that she is pushing for visitation with her former FM. I just keep telling her that we were open to that until the FM was totally rude & uncooperative/unsupportive during the visit month before placement & so we've decided to only do pics/letters (which is more than we're required to do anyway). She actually used what I consider to be a veiled threat by saying that one of the reasons they matched our daughter with us is because we were open to contact...she said they wouldn't take our daughter away BUT we had said that & that's why they picked us. I told her that we were trying to make contact with the half-sister because we know that's important, but that we never agreed to contact with FM. She finally relented & said that sibling contact is what they really wanted.
I totally feel your pain - what should be totally wonderful is turned into us defending our decision that we made in the best interest of our daughter. Just stick to your guns & make sure that you don't sign anything that will bind you to more contact than you are willing to do. Once the adoption is finalized, they can't "make" you have any certain amount of contact if there is no signed contract stating it (at least in a closed adoption state).
Blessings,
Beth
DS S-19
DS J-17
DS J-14
DS E-10
AD E-2 Guate
Soon to be AD M-3