Advice for new open adoption

I also know FM who was encouraged to offer "open adoption" to the bio family. The case plan was complete, but CPS still wanted to recommend TPR. CPS knew judge probably wouldn't, so they told FM to arrange some visits, get buddy-buddy and offer open adoption. It's a game. If you take away someone's kid, they will fight. If you give them the option to entrust their care with someone else, they might bite, realizing that really it's for the best. Good luck with your terms. Don't give them your address. Always meet somewhere neutral within x amount of miles from your residence (remember you or they might move)

I am assuming that these are cases of neglect and abuse?

Keep it simple. Letter and picture twice a year, Christmas and kid's birthday.

I think there's probably less to be afraid of than you think. If they family isn't totally over the line inappropriate (like sex offenders), short visits and letters, etc., don't really seem to do much harm, and they can do a lot of good in terms of keeping the kid from intense feelings of loss and abandonment.I think it is important to specify a few things:--Who can attend visits (name names, so that new boyfriends and girlfriends or damaging relatives don't get in on this)--What the penalties are if they are a no-show at a scheduled visit without informing you first (no visits for a year, no more visits, something like that).--What the penalties are if they show up intoxicated or behave inappropriately (no more visits).--What happens if they fail to give you a valid phone number and/or address to contact them at.My own experience has been that if you are generous with them, you'll do a few visits and phone calls in the first year, and then things will drop off. In the six or eight cases that I can think of off hand that i know personally, most of the time it's the bfamily that eventually drifts off.

Because in general, there are no mandated visits after a TPR. If the bfamily thinks that they're going to lose TPR, they are often willing to relinquish instead in exchange for an open adoption.

Boulderbabe-Thanks -- I do have some concerns about BPs, but I understand that we would supervise any visits, which makes me feel a bit better. And I definately want language that the visit ends if they show up under-the-influence or behave innapropriately. But I also don't want to end up in a situation where, if we ever move out-of-state, we have to make multiple cross-country visits each year. But it seems like we should be able to negotiate phone calls or something if that happens.Anyway -- might not be an issue as the TPR trial continues next month and the BPs have shown no interest in agreeing to an open adoption agreement. I'm a little bewildered: they continue to stumble and aren't following most of their case plan, but the reports we get from the workers are that the judge seems to be charmed by them. We'll see....

hi,if a tpr trial is set,and caseworkers and gal recommend tpr,and bios have not worked their plan,judge will hopefully tpr bparents.attend the trial yourself,if you have been identified as a adoptive family for the child,judge may want to ask you a few questions.let me know how things go.

Massmom Have you been to the TPR?

The TPR trial has been dragging on for three months now. A few hours here, a few hours there. The judge won't let us or the adoption social worker sit in on the trial, so we only get second-hand reports as to what is happening. It is scheduled to continue next month, and we've been told we may be called to testify. But we've been told that twice already, and things kept getting postponed. BPs have been working some, but not all, of their service plan. They come to visits, but aren't doing the tough stuff. (Getting clean, getting counseling, etc.) And apparently they are fighting hard to get our FS back.

Guess I am just trying to make sure I understand what I have been reading because we are looking into adopting and seem to being told that we must agree to have an open adoption if rights are terminated. I am just wondering if we have to do so if the judge decides to terminate rights? Mom doesn't have anything to do w/ FS at this time and really has done nothing to get him back. She disappeared after 3 months and is heavily into drugs. Although I am fine w/ FS knowing he is adopted (if that becomes the case) I am not sure he needs to be subjected to the behavior and lifestyle brings to his life until he is ready to pursue it.

This is the type of agreement we have, and we're coming up on sending our first update letter in August. I do know I'll send everything registered-receipt return requested so I have proof that I've complied.

I have heard of this type of situation in the past and quite frankly it bothers me. Signing over rights to your child is similiar to a plea bargon in this situation. You either take the chance on the judge terminating your rights altogther OR you sign over now and the aparents will keep in touch. It's like making a deal. I especially don't like it when the aparents really don't want this but agree anyway because they don't want to take a chance at losing the child either. I feel that this sort of thing should not be done. I feel aparents should only offer an OA IF they truly want that for the child and not just because it makes things easier and the can seal the deal. If you don't want an OA than don't agree to one and let things play out in court. If the bio parents are unfit, than you will adopt the child and hold all of the cards. IF the bio parents win and get the child back it would be horribly painful but that is their right as the bio parents who did what they needed to get their child back. If you DO want an OA for your child's sake plan it accordingly. But YOU should be the one deciding what you want and then finding out if the bio parents agree to those terms. So all in all, I feel an OA through the foster care is acceptable if done in the right way. It feels like coersion to me when CW's give the old, "If you sign over the kids now, we'll let you see them. If you don't, you could lose in court and never get them back." line. I adopted two kids from foster care and do not have OA even though I would like to. AND after I brought my son home it appeared as though mom was working her caseplan so I know how this all feels first hand. JMHO

BethanyB and others helped me with my decision not to have a court-ordered OAA.

The OAA has become irrelevant in our case. DSS lost at the TPR trial and our FS is going back to his birthparents next week.

I am so sorry to hear that--:grouphug: