Alright - so today I went in for my 12 week check up (I'm actually 13 weeks, but anyways). So this doctor I have been seeing for 20 years and he delivered my placed child.
So he says to me as he's filling out this prenatal history form "so this is your first pregnancy". At first I thought maybe he was asking me if he wanted to put that this was my first pregnancy, you know? So I said, um well no. So he says "uh, did you have a miscarriage?" WTF?! Dumb dumb, "no, I placed a baby in 2000". "Oh right, I have that information all here". Uh yeah...
So then he proceeds to do my exam and tell me how this labor and delivery could be faster but since this child has a different father it's hard to say. I said to him "actually it's the same father". "Oh well then it should be fairly smooth then because you had a fairly smooth labor before".
I know it is not realistic for me to expect my doctor to remember every detail, but come on!
Tara - I have to say I'm feeling like a dummy too... What does the father have to do with labor and delivery??? I would think that has more to do with your body and prenatal care???
But I am sorry he wasn't more sensitive... Or at least spent a moment reading your file :(
As a physician and a human being I have to say that's really obnoxious to make assumptions like that. Who is he to automatically decide it's a different father.
And the thing that gets me is that my husband is one of his patients and he met him at the delivery of our first child. Like I said I don't expect him to remember every detail, but he could have said "is your hubby T's father as well?" or something a bit less assuming.
I am not so sure I would stay with this doctor. Every pregnancy is different, whether from the same father or not. People have children of quite different sizes, delivery etc from the same father. It is your health and the babies that determine delivery NOT the father. Also if he did not have in your chart that you already had a full term pregnancy, I would wonder what his charting is like as well. Also you may need some more emotional support. My first child after placement was difficult. Although I was very happy, there was a lot of guilt associated with that pregnancy. I would not want a physician that was so inconsiderate at my delivery. Just my opinion. I hope that all goes well for you.
Ugh. I know you've been seeing him for eons, but that right there would cause me to change doctors. That's HORRIBLE. :(
Also if he did not have in your chart that you already had a full term pregnancy, I would wonder what his charting is like as well.
It was in my chart, he just "forgot" and didn't think to look through my chart....ugh....
The problem is finding someone who does maternity patients.
I know you're sensitive to the issue since it's happening to you right now... but think about this - 20 years?! I barely remember anything about when my own child was born 20 years ago, and I only have a handful of births to remember.
He's a busy guy who sees hundreds of people (and births), he made a mistake, it happens. Cut him some slack this time and see how it goes down the road. If he continually upsets you with stupid comments, then either talk to him (or his nurse), or move on to another doc.
I'm often amazed that my doctor remembers things about my grandparents who have passed on. When filling out medical history forms, he's recalled a specific family history of medical issues related to grandparents that haven't been around for over a decade. It's interesting that he remembers, but I definitely wouldn't expect it. Heck, I can't even keep my own kids' names straight half the time!
Lumpkin, if I may respond to one tiny thing for Tara...she's been seeing him for 20 years, but her placed son is much younger. 8 I think? (Sorry Tara, I'm horrible for not remembering how old T is!!!!) - Okay, yes, 8 - it's in your siggy! haha
I understand that he has a lot to remember, but I would have been super frustrated to Tara. (((((Hugs)))))
See, I'm trying to be sensitive, and I can't even remember what was posted only a few posts above me! :confused:
I understand the frustration.. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and see how things go in the future though. People are stupid and insensitive at times (more often when dealing with me!), but we've gotta learn to look past that and worry about the bigger issues.
Hopefully the next visit will be more inspiring ;)
There have been lots of issues with this doctor, I'm not saying I'm judging him based on this time only. And, I'm not going to leave him because of this one experience either.
When I was pregnant with my son, who is 8 years old and who this doctor delivered, I didn't know it and came in for my yearly physical. I was a few months pregnant then and he says to me "oh your cervix is blue". Tell tale sign of pregnancy and didn't even have the decency to send me for a preg. test because he assumed that because my mother worked at an abortion clinic that that's what I would do.
When I came back months later saying I was 28 weeks pregnant he wasn't even shocked.
So we'll see....
For those of us from the 'secret' era, answering those **** questions every doctor's visit....!!! If you lie, you worry, if you don't, they ask more questions, like "does the first child have any health problems?" when in fact you don't know whether he's alive or dead!
At least I know, now that we've found one another.