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I have been on my search for 10 years or so. At one point, I thought I had found her with the information I had received from a PI. So I sent a letter, no reply, so then I sent another letter with a picture - no reply.
I gave up I suppose. That was in 95/99.
So... for some unknown reason, I felt the need recently to search again.
In 95 the internet was obviously not what it is now. ALMA was my support group then and the people I met ...were to me a god send and the most wonderful group of people I had ever met. Now the internet is full of search sites and forums - of which can be quite overwhelming trying to make sure you are on every single registry !
I have a 5 inch notebook that I have kept every single shread of information I have acumulated during my search - this recent urge led me back to it, to pour over information. Some of which I had held so dearly as my life - I have now discarded as B.S.
I have now begun a new search... in a different direction. Which of course led me to this site among others. It was on one of these other sites that I have found a possible family member of my b.mother. I then googled and found another site this family member was on, who just happened to have a message from my possible bmom. I now have a picture of her and while I do not have her skin coloring or hair color ( which I knew from non ID info that I didnt) the facial resemblance is spot on.
So... I sent this family member a message and gave her SOME information and asked her to email me back if she could help. I have not heard from her. But to be honest I really do not believe that she checks this site that much, as the site said there had been no activity for the last 30 days.
I have sent this picture to many friends of the possible bmom to get opinions, as I did not just want to see what I wanted to see. My BF said that there is no doubt to him and is ready to celebrate. Obviously he is not adopted right. :) God bless him, I love him dearly.
So I wait. I have her name and her ph #, but I refuse to intrude (or am I scared, I dunno). I wait for the family member who was supposedly around at the time of my birth to contact me back.
But I find that I am completly numb. I am NOT excited as I was the first time I thought I had found her ( which incidently is not the same women as this one) I feel nothing, which concerns me. I am not happy nor am I sad. I am detached I think.
Obviously, I do not want to come across like this emotionless robot when and if they contact me back. I guess I just need to know if anyone else has experienced this state of nothingness during thier search/ first contact. If so - how did this affect you during or leave a bad impression on your first phone or F2F reunion ?
I am so sorry this is wordy...I guess I just needed to get it out. :confused:
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[FONT=Book Antiqua]:rockband: HA!HA!HA!HA!HA![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]It's a good conversation, Jackie - [/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]I crawled out of my cave just for the laugh![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I was born in '67 - but instead of remaining jealous about all I missed..........[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I married the hippy rocker and started a band with his aging hippy friends!!!!![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua].......been rockin' hard ever since.......[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]GA Songbird[/FONT]
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Raven Song - considering the rest of the crap that is on YOU TUBE ... I would much rather see a GRACEFULLY aging woman who can play mean acoustic guitar - than a pimply faced teenager discussing his new found love - Star Wars !
Ha! Jackie is a groupie !
GA Songbird- Hey Southern Sister... glad this was important enough to bring you out of hiding, as your wise and thoughtful input was badly needed.
:arrow:
[FONT=Book Antiqua]HA!HA!HA![/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]I hear ya! If it's not light and breezy, it's beyond my grasp these days........[/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]HA! So yes, thanks for the laughs, girls![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]Been off the radar, I know........[/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]but worst-case scenario happened!!!!![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]My ex-hubby moved with my sons to the other side of the country, so this will be the first school year when I won't be busy with school parties, plays, holidays, etc.[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]Ya'll might have to keep my mind occupied some this school year - o.k?[/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]Even if it's only for a lighthearted joke.....[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I haven't posted - been too upset - but hey, I'm always here soaking up what ya'll are discussing in the threads!!! [/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]All joking aside, I did start a new band with said hippies and it has made a small ripple here in town! [/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]Clap, jump up and down........at least Momma has something she can do with all this free time!!!!![/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]Finally, "Rock-n-Roll Susie" is :rockband: happenin'!!!!![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]Love ya'll - you're good medicine for my head - [/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]GA Songbird[/FONT]
GA Songbird
Welcome back.. good to see you posting.. :cheer:
I was thinking of this thread yesterday… and dlb I wanted to comment on the fact that I grew up in the fifties and what happened in the fifties started what happened in the sixties.. This free love business was us saying (some of us as always) to heck with it no more false morals and false bad guy good guy stuff..
I gave my son up when I was straight and I gave my son up in order that my family would not have to fight with the relatives and the relatives would not look down their collective noses at us.. call us trash..
My aunt would say.. Bad will come from that one..
Finally.. finally we got to a place where we said no more.. and stop the war and tune in and drop out..
My daughter took my vest that I crocheted when I got married.. I got married in my jeans and would not (refused to) invite my parents or hubbies parents. I wanted no part of them and their judgment..
My husbands mother (I do not think) ever forgave me..
My daughter still plays in a band.. enjoys rehearsals..
I am sorry your hubby took your sons across the country..
dbl..
Once hubby was playing in a high school dance thingee.. I went back to the changing room after the dance and someone told me I could not go in.. “No groupies here” someone said.. :rockband:
Jackie
It's a good conversation, Jackie
I crawled out of my cave just for the laugh!
I was born in '67 - but instead of remaining jealous about all I missed........I married the hippy rocker and started a band with his aging hippy friends!!!!!
.......been rockin' hard ever since
Ha! Jackie is a groupie !
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Jackiejdajda
I was thinking of this thread yesterday and dlb I wanted to comment on the fact that I grew up in the fifties and what happened in the fifties started what happened in the sixties.. This free love business was us saying (some of us as always) to heck with it no more false morals and false bad guy good guy stuff..
I gave my son up when I was straight and I gave my son up in order that my family would not have to fight with the relatives and the relatives would not look down their collective noses at us.. call us trash..
Jackie
[FONT=Book Antiqua]Thanks dlb003 - I'll need the help! Being away from them stinks - I don't know if I can stand it!!!!! Would love some talk-time with you ladies. My search is at a standstill too - so thanks for allowing this "impromptu interruptus".......[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]Jackie and dlb003 - I agree, I think the sixties challenged societal hypocrisy.......[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I completely ditto what dlb003 said at the end of the last post. I, for one, am always willing to question authority, to question the establishment......just in case what's being established isn't comfortable for all. [/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]Sigh - I think I'm just a new millineum hippy.......[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I'm headed for work now but I can't wait to come back and talk to ya'll some more![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]GA Songbird[/FONT]
[FONT=Book Antiqua]We're doing classic rock, southern rock, blues and reggae - covering obscure favorites - or rather the songs that haven't been done to death already![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]The set-list is as eccentric as I am but the original work is what I'm looking forward to working on this winter - I can't wait to get some original work put on myspace!!!!! The exciting part will be in taking all of these troubled feelings and expressing them, in being able to let it all out.......[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I guess I can stand the heartache if I can do something positive with it.[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I'm working on some adoption songs too, trying to capture some of the more serious issues surrounding adoption/search/reunion. I hope I can nail it........I'm better at expressing it on stage than I am at writing it!!!!![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]So, when I get some lyrics down, I'll want ya'll to critique it, o.k?[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]It's good to talk. I have so many things I need to talk about but it's hard when pain makes you feel so vulnerable that you can't even speak.[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I've recently learned a valuable lesson: I spent five years complaining about losing custody of my sons - In my mind, I refused to accept what fate offered because it wasn't good enough to satisfy my heart, this feeling like I'm only a part-time mother. I never dreamed my sorrow would lead me here, to this moment when I couldn't hug them when I needed to.[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]Thanks for understanding.[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]One of you should pm me and remind me of how to capture quotes so I can highlight stuff you've said when I reply![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I'll close for now - enough about me! [/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]I'm caught up - instead of just jumping in from out of the blue!!!!![/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]dlb003, you need to save that quote - it ROCKS! [/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]and Jackie - you go girl, I LOVE YOUR SPIRIT!!!!![/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]XOXOXO[/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]GA Songbird[/FONT]
GA Songbird
Thanks dlb003 - I'll need the help! Being away from them stinks - I don't know if I can stand it!!!!! Would love some talk-time with you ladies. My search is at a standstill too - so thanks for allowing this "impromptu interruptus".......
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GA Songbird
The set-list is as eccentric as I am but the original work is what I'm looking forward to working on this winter - I can't wait to get some original work put on myspace!!!!! The exciting part will be in taking all of these troubled feelings and expressing them, in being able to let it all out.......
dlb003
Yes.. and its what I did not understand way back when..
I did as I was told.. before the change.. I was afraid I was raised in fear.. not an excuse tho..
I do not see a person in those times making a decision to relinquish lightly..
The thing was to keep the baby and practice the communal thing..
I remember one group in those times.. they shaved their heads and begged for money on the street..
A friend of ours who had gone into debt and had so many driving tickets he was about to loose his license.. joined this group this cult..
I will never forget the shock of meeting him after he had joined..
Apparently the kids in this group were abused.. and now when I look back I see how this could happen..
Some of us forced the envelope.. and said no more.. not going to do it.. but missed the part that children were involved..
I could have lost my kids to the system more than once.. and I missed that very important fact..
Now I cringe.. now I think of what could have happened..
I think we need to get this across.. its like a pendulum that swings in one direction and then swings back..
How do we understand the harm that can happen.. after the fact..
I do not know the answer to that one..
Jackie
The fact that I and so many others were caught in the middle is a travesty
I will post here on how to quote.. my way that is....
What I do is outline what I want to copy and or what I want to comment on.. and then copy ctrl-c.. and take what I copy to my word processor ctrl-v.. and then compose what I want to write out.. This so I have it on my hard drive in case the a.com software gets lost.. or seizes up..
When I am finished composing.I take my composition to the reply to threadђ window and I outline what I am quoting.. and press the little window thingee on the direct line above the reply window..
The fourth one from the end.. its says.. Wrap [quote] tags around selected texts..
Then while its still in black.. I click on sizesђ the next line up.. and click on 2..
Jackie
Jackiejdajda
dlb003
Yes.. and its what I did not understand way back when..
I did as I was told.. before the change.. I was afraid I was raised in fear.. not an excuse tho..
I do not see a person in those times making a decision to relinquish lightly..
The thing was to keep the baby and practice the communal thing..
I remember one group in those times.. they shaved their heads and begged for money on the street..
Jackie
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[FONT=Book Antiqua]Oh you said it dlb003! Not only could the homes be strict and hypocritical, while also being dysfunctional, but it gets even worse the farther back in history you go!!![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]For instance, abuse could happen behind closed doors that folks wouldn't dare to mention because people didn't speak of such things.......[/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]regardless that bad things could and did happen, regardless that it was hypocritcal to cover stuff up - no one dare bring "shame on the family" or themselves. We end up with a flawed, hypocritical society when no one dares to admit their poor decisions.......or recognize the very imperfections of our own humanity.[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I think the sixties brought to light the lack of societal honesty and quite a few other issues concerning societal hypocrisy that sorely needed addressing. [/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]For all the glorious beauty in the generations who have gone before, I see them as having the same flaws, same weaknesses as anybody today - they just scorned it more and hid it better. People of today are out of the closet about their behind-closed-doors business, we all know each other's business/ideas because we hear a million phone conversations a day (whether we want to or not), the whole world (with a myriad of beliefs and ideas) are on the computer right in our living rooms and though this amount of freedom is offensive to some - others may find it necessary for the sake of having freedom......[/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]I love the movie "V is for Vendetta" - it's focus is on a society losing it's freedom.[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I saw a different view of that generation than the one this nation wanted to sell me........and I find myself with a similar stance - if it's wrong, unfair, hypocritical, off-balance, lethargic, greedy, or d.o.a. then fix it! It's your nation: your salary pays their salary, they're employed by you to run this show and if you don't like it or agree with it.......it doesn't make you wrong to say so!!!!! [/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]I think about all those protests.......all that passion and conviction just to say it: "we don't agree with you"!!![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua](Smile) I still find it admirable.[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]Jackie, you can always hear a society's ills in the music of it's era - it's like a time-capsule for all the future generations! Your generation will always be an inspiration to me. It proved that when society binds things on people that feel too tight - the consequences are that they will break loose. The personal individual expressions of that rebellion seemed extreme to some but others saw it as a likely outcome because of having been force-fed issues that not everyone agreed with - from the draft and the war, to racism, women's rights, the right to question authority/your government, etc. I see it as a direct consequence of our government not caring how that generation felt.[/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]And dlb003, some blues are coming ' - I love 'em too!!!!! [/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]If ya'll don't hear back from me right away, I'm also taking care of the stuff we take care of when we're not here!!!!![/FONT] [FONT=Book Antiqua]Love ya'll. Have a good one! I didn't mean to talk your ears off.......[/FONT][FONT=Book Antiqua]GA Songbird[/FONT]
dlb003
.
It was a hard time to live in..
My sister says its about survival..
My mom and dad got drunk in order to survive in it.. I hope we change now..
We learned.. I learned.. I no longer play the game and I no longer want to do what is right.. according to our society..
But wrong happened..
Lets hope the future is better..
More later when my brain works better.. hubby wanted to watch a movie and now I am behind in my day..
Songbird
I believe it came down to individual truths.. and again survival..
I.. in some ways went to the edge.. but I survived..
Such deep thinking.. I will add more when I sort this..
Jackie
You were children - regardless of your age -mentally you were children and treated as such. Adult Manipulation. Control. You were meant to feel shame for what you had done and they found it easy to manipulate the situation after that
My BF said his Dad said to him one time, that his parents generation were very mean people and had absolutely no compassion what so ever. I have no doubt about this.
The legacy of your rebellion was never portrayed as a liberation. I have only known this generation as drugged out hippies, sticking flowers in guns, burning bras and having sex without caring about the consequences - just because you could. This is what I knew, this is what I felt.
I'm glad to hear your voice - I'm relived to hear your voice. It takes to much energy to hate a generation that was trying to survive.