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Maybe that is an emotion that the bmothers feel they NEED to try and develop while they are pregnant, otherwise they could never give the child up.
And so maybe the baby, in utero, absorbs this 'disconnect'
and carries it into their life. Do not hate me for putting forth this shred of a tiny thought. I am simply brainstorming, and am not trying to be disrespectful in ANY way.
Thanks for posting another theory on this topic; in my case if you are correct, this could very well be the reason.
My daughter was conceived during a rape involving multiple rapists and I did everything under the sun to avoid even THINKING about her while in utero. The only problem is, it DID NOT PREVENT ME FROM BONDING AND CONNECTING WITH HER. In fact, it probably created a stronger connection knowing our time together was limited, and because I saw her as a victim, too. I have 3 raised kids in addition to my reunited daughter and I can honestly say I am able to recall much more of the details involved in my pregnancy and the moments and days after her birth almost 23 years ago than I can of my most recent pregnancy 2 months ago. I know for a fact that I was extremely connected to her, so much so that even though the newborn nursery was at the other end of the corridor I "knew" when my baby was crying b/c my breast would ache. They hurt to the point of waking me from a deep and I made a game of calling the nurses to ask if she were crying. They never hurt at any other time and I was not engorged. The nurses would scream and ask "how did you know?" They called me psychic!
I never wanted to think of her as MY baby, since I knew I couldn't raise her but it didn't stop me from bonding with her. The fact that we would be separated soon and forever ( closed adoption) made the connection we formed very intense. It's kinda like visiting with a dying relative while they are in the hospital. You "absorb" every breath, smell, sigh, movement etc. b/c you know it won't last. The bond just happens no matter what you try or try not to feel.
I don't hate you for having thought this but it is important that you realize that adoption workers often felt if we didn't see, hear, touch or hold our babies we wouldn't bond with them and the decision to place would be easier to make, and many of us I'm sure believed it. The fact is the bond / connection is involuntary and happens long before birth.
My daughter doesn't seem to have a problem getting CONNECTING to anyone, she has a problem WANTING TO CONNECT.
Maybe you theory is correct, I don't know. Tracy