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yeah...i don't have anything valuable at all. and they have nothing that can hide other things....no boxes, bags, etc. the rooms are basically bare, and when they want something to do - like read a book play a game, read a magazine, put together a puzzle, they must borrow and return it. things are not stored in their rooms....this is where i used to find all the best stuff. they have clothes in their rooms, not much more, and we "clean" their rooms together often. it sounds harsh...but sometimes kids who have trouble stealing and using objects for manipluation need the accountability in knowing that you are checking on them. it is also a good idea to not tempt these children. as much as i'd like to teach my child to not steal......i realized that first i had to remove the temptation. put your stuff away. get a safe. there is alot less stealing and fighting about stashed items now that there is nothing to take, and no where to put it. the same goes for backpacks to school. i got one of my children a 504 plan at school that allowed for an extra set of books at home. that meant there was no reason for a backpack. it is harder to sneak things out of the house when there is nothing to sneak it in.
on to the more sensitive side of your problem....when my kids first moved in, not much younger than what you have now, one of them had the give away syndrome and they were friends with another foster child with the same issue. what i think i figured out was they felt so awful about themselves and thought people thought so poorly of them, that they were basically buying people's friendships. i'm not really sure how to solve this problem....but i know that as this child began to feel more confident in themselves, it happend with less frequency. one thing i did to foster the confidence was i really watched how they dressed. i saw what the other kids were wearing and really tried to provide similar clothing. it wasn't easy, but i think when they started to fit in on the outside, they worked on fitting in on the inside. i know the last thing i wanted to do was buy them more stuff....but it really did make a difference.