adopting older kids w/ biological children in the house - questions

I guess I'm not that sentimental or have an aversion to extra knick-knacks to clean around. I don't display out of date personal portraits, just family events (wedding) and current portraits. Big sis (bio) does have many pix in her room, including one of herself and dd2 in a sisters frame but she has another with all three. We do have an out-of-date family photo waiting for dd3 to be included for an update. She is older and having this done will be a part of the adoption for her that she is looking forward to. The handprint casts and prints of preschool and other preK and K paraphernalia went into the kids' memory boxes around 1st grade, so those aren't out, either. I'm pretty sure at the time that I transitioned these decorative objects out gradually. I'd guess it also depends on the ages of the newcomers. If they are not all that old (under 5), you may be surprised by how new mementos of them slide into the mix--you could even deliberately make some, as a statement of sorts. Regardless of age, you will probably be surprised at how fast mementos of them will overtake the end tables, piano top, stairwell and hall. If you are inclined to have lots of this stuff around, I suspect it will very soon be a mish-mosh of everybody.

You are so thoughtful to be aware of this. I agree, it may be hurtful to your adopted child. We have all our son's pictures in one place-the hallway going up the stairs. We quickly made a place for ds #3, blew up the few baby pics we had and his area looks just like his older brothers'. Try to get as much of the child's property as possible--I had to make a bit of a fuss to get ds's kindergarten report card, the first tooth he lost, etc. back from foster parents. It's worth it-these things belong to him. Try getting baby pics from the bios, biograndma may be a good source. I made copies of pics that my MIL had (ours was a relative adoption). Good luck--sounds like this is going to be a wonderful family for this child!

Well, first it sounds like from your other post that they are pretty young. I would get as many momentos as you can of them, it may not be that hard to add them to everything. I do not have a baby book, my sister does...my mother left when I was only a few months old and I have no idea what my first word was, when I took my first steps, what foods I like, anything. It hurts me even now. My father remarried when I was five, She was not a very good mother, Her idea of making up for it was to give me an empty babybook when i turned 14. that being said. It would have made a world of difference for me if She had made effort to record some of our moments. Like this was the first time we all went to the beach, this is when you tried crab, We found out your favorite color was blue. It may seem silly but, for me at least, the baby book signifies that someone cared to record those moments, what ever moments they maybe. You cannot undo what you did for your other children, nor should you, just try to do your best to do what you can for your children that you get. Make foot prints, make hand scuptors, make a scrap book, baby book. Anything to show you care. It doesn't matter that the ages are different. It may not seem like all the little things matters now, but it will. Thank you so much for caring and being a good mother.

I wouldn't take down anything that was already up. I would celebrate the entry of the new children into the family by having new pictures of them made and added to the wall and also do a family pic. Pictures show the history of a family and the changes that occur over time. You can do everything you can to get pics of the kids before they came home and if you do, put those up. I would also start a "baby" book if you have those for your other children.

i feel bad, lol. our son dosen't have a baby book, but it isn't because he is adopted, it is because he is the third kid. our first has lots of stuff, second has a half filled out baby book, ds has some notes on a calendar somewhere. has anyone seen that episode of roseanne where dj asks where his baby book is, and roseanne ends up sticking a tic tac in it and telling him it is his first tooth? it is nice of you to think of these things, though, i am sure your new kids will appreciate anything you do :)

Thanks everyone for your responses. Its nice to see how others have handled things. :)

I asked this exact question during IMPACT/MAPP training and was told you can deny one in order to accept one. I would think that taking the pictures already up down would send a negative message to your bio child. I have a bio child now and we are in the adoption process. I don't have to many baby photos of her posted around the house, but she does have a very detailed baby book. I think I will try to get everything I can from the current foster parents and just take tons of photos from the moment they arrive. I don't have any baby photos of myself since we just did not take any I guess. My husband had his baby photos lost in a fire when he was little. Yes, we are both very curious to see these, but it never bothered me that my brother had baby photos. Maybe because my mom explained to me why I did not have any and she seemed sincere so I understood.

I was just thingink of this last night! We were just chosen to be the parents of a 3 1/2 yr-old little boy and our bio girls are 6 and 10, so we have pictures of them everywhere! I was shocked to recieve the start of a Life Book for our little guy this week. It has baby pictures and everything in it. OUr plan is too just take a new family picute soon after he is settled in and start making memories with him to fill the house with! =0)