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I just have to share this story.
A few weeks ago my A-Parents met my B-Mom and her immediate family! This included B-Mom's husband, their daughter, her husband and their new baby.
There was some trepidation on both parts before the meeting, but it went extremely well. We booked a private room at a casual restaurant and all came in separate cars in case things didn't go well and someone wanted to leave.
Everyone got along great and the meeting lasted for several hours. My A-Mom was especially taken with B-Mom's new grandson and we got some great video of A-Mom (80) holding the baby on her lap and reading to him.
A-Mom and B-Mom had some very touching moments where B-Mom thanked A-Mom & Dad for being such wonderful parents to me and A-Mom hugged B-Mom and assured her that she was thrilled to have put to rest any concerns b-mom had had over the years about my welfare.
B-Mom has since written to A-Mom and they seem to be fond of each other and open to future communication.
The only part of this reunion that didn't go well was my A-Sister. She too was adopted and is still (at 43) angry about it. She refused to be a part of this event. Her stated reason was that she did not want to tell her teenage children that she was adopted.
Perhaps some day my a-sister will be willing to accept the expanded family that this reunion has created.
Overall, i think this was a wonderful meeting and hope to encourage others who are facing similar reunions and a-family/b-family concerns.
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I have often said that mt greatest wish would have been that both families could get together without awkwardness, without the attitude of where they fit into the picture and just get to to put it all together for me.....what a way to say that in spite of it all the most important people that are resposible for your life, childhood and who you(I) eventually became are able to to comminucate because they really truly did care about the best interest of me and not themselves. I know sounds bad but it is the way it feels for me. It would have made my adoption make sense to me. As much as I know it was the right thing for me, the fear of either of my mothers getting hurt or not being able to meet due to their own feelings was hard to deal with. My mothers voiced respect for each other but never met. They lived in different states and really I don't think I had the gonads at that time to sit through it all. I would have felt like a ping pong ball....My bmom and father met and it went well. My mom hd died before she had the chance to meet .
This is such a wonderful story, thank you for sharing it. Your A-parents sound like incredible people. Not that every thing has to be perfect but your parents all did the right thing. Adoption should not be looked at as this shameful thing, it is about giving and sharing in the love of a child by the parents that loved the child enough to let them go, and the real parents that loved that child enough to raise them. I am in a different situation with my birth but my adoptive mother was the biological sister to my severely disabled birth mother and wants nothing to do with her, she actually lied and told me she was dead. My A-mom is from the mindset like your A-sister. It's just sad adoption is a beautiful thing, not a dirty family secret. Take care, thanks again for sharing.
Thanks for sharing your story. I love the idea that when we reconnect we expand our family circle. Christmas before last, D and his wife invited all of us to their home. I finally met his two sisters. I think that time only my son J was missing from the group. The funny thing is that D's aparents actually met my daughter's new boy friend before I did because they were all at a cookout at D's. Things are by no means perfect, but the reunion is going well overall.I'm so sorry your sister feels the way she does. She's really only hurting herself!
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I hope you realize how fortunate you are that your aparents and bfamily and yourself all had the opportunity to get together and forge relationships. You indeed are truly blessed to have two mothers in your life.
(This coming from an adoptee who has buried her aparents and has no afamily left and who yearns to know who her bmother/family is.)
