Niece Pregnant Asked us to adopt baby?

There si a specific area on this board for kinship adoptions, which is what this would be, since the expectant mom is a relative of yours.Once the adoption was finalized, you would be mom & dad. The birth mom would be cousin.Good luck with this process.

I think you will find positive and negative stories. My personal opinion (Remember I haven't experienced one) is that honesty is the best policy so the the child doesn't discover the her cousin is also her birth mother. Actually, the distance (East-West coast) may actually make it easier.

I have never adopted, but have read many post of relative adoption. Seems this is common and does work. I agree with the last post, you would be parents, and that HONESTY is the best policy. A child needs to be told about adoption in a positive light ALL while growing up. This will take out alot of the "secrets" and longing to know where they come from. I believe, you will still need to have a homestudy and you will need a private attorney that specializes in out of state-kin adoption. just make sure that EVERYTHING is discussed and agreed upon, then make sure you keep your word on what is agreed to, (i.e.-open adoption...semi-open.) Also, I am not sure about your niece, but always keep in your mind and heart, that your niece may change her mind after giving birth and decide to parent. I only say this because it does happen, and all any of us want is for a child to be loved and if at all possible, to be raised by its mother. I feel from your post, you would and will make an excellent Mom, so keep the faith and love and support your niece, no matter what! Keep coming here and posting...you will get some great advice, these gals and guys are ever so wise at a.com...Good Luck, I am optimistically happy for you.

Get a lawyer first if you decided to go through with this. Then just get ready for the ride. Good Luck.

Congratulations on being a new mommy (if you decide to). I agree with what everyone is saying about getting an attorney, being honest and you being mom. I am now 28 but was adopted by a family member in all the wrong ways. One thing I would consider doing for the child's sake when they are older and something I have heard done for step moms and what I will probably do if I adopt someday is coming up with a unique name for birth mom/cousin. Maybe something like b-ma. My birth mother is disabled (when my children are older she will be birth g-ma), and for myself it has been very hurtful that my adoptive family do not treat her like she is even a human being and will not achknowledge who she is. You will always be mom, no one in this world will be capable of loving that child the way you do. The b-ma is not for your cousin, but might be a way of letting your son/daughter know that they do not have to be ashamed of where they came from. Just that you are thinking about all these things shows your potential to be an amazing mother. This may come as unrequested advice but looking back on things that I do for my children that I wish had been done for me I have some ideas for you. As you know from going on this site many adoptees feel rejected and unloved and that they never connect with their adopted families (sometimes we forget that many people raised in bio families feel this way too) so anything you can do for yourself and for later on for your child to reflect on and sense they are loved can make a major impact. Growing up I never had a birth story because I was lied to about being adopted. I would encourage you to make a journal and write your thoughts about the upcoming birth, your hopes and wishes for your child, funny conversations between your husband and you, how you felt the day of their birth, how amazing it was to see them for the first time, etc. If you were comfortable maybe even include if there were any complications during your nieces pregnancy, or allow her to include her thoughts on the adoption and how she choose and asked you out of all the woman she knew because she knew you would be the best mom in the world. As adoptees we often have a weird romantisized relationship in our heads with our birth mothers and I could definitely understand how someday, when your child is wondering why their bio parents didn't want them knowing that it was because they wanted them to have a better life than they could offer and with thought and care hand picked the perfect parents could serve as a major comfort. You may decide that only some of the pages you will ever share, but I know for myself it made me feel more connected to my child when I was writing. Someday your child may push you past the limits or question your love for them and you could show them how loved they are and have always been. I have done some journalling and scrapebook pages of my hopes and wishes for my children who are 2 and 9 months old (twins) and I know someday they will be teenagers and say they hate me and I will not utter a word but just leave them a nice surprise on their beds and say read this so you remember how much you are loved. Adoption is a beautiful thing, I wish my adopted family had focused on how they couldn't believe they were lucky enough be my parents and how they knew God brought me to them, stuff like that could have allowed us to be close in a way that you can't ever have with bio children. My adoptive mother will not admit this but I know she had trouble bonding with me, she had lost 2 babies at birth prior to adopting me and when I was 3 months old left me with friends while her and my adoptive father went to Hawaii for 2 weeks. My amom puts on this facade when now that I'm an adult honesty would be helpful. My point here is not that, but to allow yourself to feel, don't expect to be perfect, don't feel bad if you have trouble bonding with your baby, don't feel bad if you don't feel like your maternal instints are kicking in. Those things are normal for any mom. However, I knew I never felt that my parents bonded with me and I did everything I could to put a good foundation down for bonding with my own children. Relationships take work, so to me thinking about my babies, writing my thoughts down, thinking about their futures, having fun picking out their names, were all just ways of preparing me to be a mom. Plus I always joke there is a reason we don't have memories from the first 2-3 years of our lives, it's so parents can figure it out. I know this was way more than you asked for and more about me than you, but I so wish you the best on your journey. Take care. Amanda

I was in my 40s when I was forced to search for bfamily. I was from the closed era. Can you imagine to my suprise when I found out my bmom was really amom's sister? Anyhow, for me I am glad that I didn't know while growing up because my aunt was always selfish, self centered, immature an manipulative, I could only imagine how I would have felt having to decided who I should be loyal to. This is what worked for me. However I do believe honesty is best. I think adoption should NEVER be a secret from the adoptee, and it also depends on what type of adoption you are planning. OA, Semi Open or closed. At any rate good luck. You will get some great support and feedback here. EZ