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I am a birthmother reunited with my son. We were reunited through this site and have had numerous email contacts and have met in person twice. Although, we come to this reunion for very different reasons and places, it is going extremely well. I feel confident we will build a lasting relationship. My question is this, I would love to meet his parents, but when I question my son and his wife about their his parents feelings, they have indicated that although they are supportive of his search and have asked how it is going, they do not wish to hear any details. With that being said, it is appropriate for me to write them a letter just letting them know that if at some point they would like to meet, I welcome that. Is that appropriate?
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crick
I'd ask your son about it and see what he thinks. He might not want you to contact them or wants to keep the two relationships separate. It's a nice gesture to be sure, with good intentions.:)
My parents have always encouraged me to search, and I know my Mom would be supportive if I made contact but one major obstacle for me is at this point, I wouldn't want the two families to have contact. Completely selfish I know. I wish I could explain it but part of me feels this was something that is just mine, and I'd like a chance to explore that first. I imagine his parents could feel the same. They're supportive, they're happy for him, but they aren't necessarily ready for it to become part of their reality. Good luck, and I do think your gesture is nice.
Hello all. I have a few thoughts about this... I am on all 3 sides of the triad...a birthmom, an adoptee and was a legal guardian to a kid that just turned 19 on Fri. Amom died when I was 16, lost my son to adoption when I was 19 and met my son in 02' when he was 17, met my bmom and that side of the family in 03 and she died in 06'. Tread carefully! My son and I have had our share of ups and downs. I must say, I encourage communication between the aparents and you to a point. Although there will be mixed feelings along the way, I found out things I needed to know about my son that he would have never told me. Also, I got a pretty good idea of what he was like as a kid, that he couldn't tell me. It helped that the aparents and I knew each other while I was pregnant and had many conversations about my son's future. Once I met him, I was better able to understand him by communicating w/ the aparents who certainly knew him better than me, which also helped me to deal with certain situations/manipulations, if you know what I mean. I wished my amom and my bmom could have met. Again, tread carefully!
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The holidays are quickly approaching and most of us are sending CHRISTmas cards....maybe this would be a way to introduce, thank, and send blessings! I still would do so , only by giving the card to your son and asking him to deliver, if he excepts that approach...Blessings and Peace...:coffee:
*Read my old thread-WHAT I DID AND WHY I DID IT including the last entry that I posted today.*I am not suggesting that you push too soon. Given a little time this problem may be resolved on it's own *You have legimate questions that deserve to be asked and hopefully answered. After all a.parents were entrusted with what was very dear to you. Your needs are valid too.:wings: Patty
....and there are some positive stories. I met my bdaughter when she was 18. She arrived at my place with her amum. We have established a sound relationship over 13yrs, each of us welcome in each others houses any time. We are quite different people, and 10yrs apart in age, but we have made it work for OUR daughter. It can be done. Infact I am going down to stay with two of my raised kids in a couple of weeks...to stay the night!! my birth daughter loves it when we do get together...how cool is that. yes respect your sons wishes, but let him know there are some good stories out there. Susie
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