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This is very hard for me. I have been raised in the truth as a child but as I grew older things just fell apart. Its as if satan has found a way to keep me away, and its working becouse I have. I never lost faith or even questioned the truth, I know in my heart JW are closer to jehovah then anyone else. But my situation has changed, I have 2 children(2 girls) one is 7(amilia) and the other just turned 1(mia) and I refuse to to let them suffer becouse they are not raised in the truth. I wish I could do this myself and tryed many many times but like I said satan has a way of complicating not only my life but everyone else around me that I love. He has turned my life inside out, I cant really blame him for everything and I do take responsibility for my actions, but I do not want anyone else to suffer becouse of my past which I cannot fix, a past that will always follow me and a past that satan alway seems to use to keep me quiet. But like I said my situation is a little diffrent now not just becouse I have 2 loving girl but becouse my health has become unreversable. Many would say do what you can keep praying and keep the little once as close to the truth as possible and that is good advise, but please understand that I cannot give my kids what I use to before I became ill. I have no family, no friends, no support system and I no longer attend congrigation meetings. What I am hopping you can see and understand is that I have become physically weak, tiered, overwhelmed and lost. It is very difficult for me to leave the house at times and it breaks my heart that I cannot take my kids to the beach, park or anywhere else kids should love to go. I am litterally taking their child hood away and its killing me inside. One another note I do not want my kids to watch me have good days and bad day or days when I am more ill and cannot get out of bed. I am sure my older daughter is suffering as well seeing her mom always sick. And then again I do not want my kids to wake one day and find that their mother is no longer alive. I think that would litterally distroy my older girl, the last thing I would ever want is for her to see me get worse and eventually slip away. Plus even though everyday I put all I can into getting up and physically taking care of my kids, from feeding to bathing to spending time with them but that is not enough and they diserve more. I do not want my kids to end up in the system(kids with no mom) possibly sepperated and my oldest spending the rest of her child hood without any foster or legal parents. I am trying to get any advise as to what to do. My intensions are to have both of my little girls placed with a loving jw family raised with love and become close to Jehovah, and my intention to do this is before I am gone(soon) but I dont know where to start or whom to ask. I have seperated myself from everyone even JW's so I cant really ask them to help me. I fear that if I am allready gone and my kids are not placed in a good home I fear they will suffer. I guess what I am asking is if their is any way to find help to do this or willing families I can get to know and trust and have proper papers filled while I am still alive.
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