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My amom and bmom are suppose to meet this month for the first time. My bmom is driving to see me and my family for the day and we were going to meet up with my amom for lunch. (I have already met my bmom ). Now my amom doesn't want to meet her because she wants me to be with her when we meet my bmom. I really feel like it's to show my bmom that I belong to her. (This is in her mind). I think this is crazy. It's all about three grown women coming to meet and support one another. Now my mom is putting these limits on our meeting. I gave her the date that my bmom is coming and told her to let me know if she changes her mind about wanting to meet. I need some opinions here....am I not being supportive of my amom or am I right????:arrow:
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The only other compromise for the situation would be for her to call you on your cell phone as she pulls into the restaurant parking lot......and you could excuse yourself to go escort your Mom in and to guide her to your table and make the introductions. that would seem like a natural thing to do anyway to me.
It really shouldn't have to be this difficult planning the first arriving moment of the meeting. Couldn't you and bmom show up to the restaurant early and then your mom could call you and let you know when she's driving up so you can get up from the table, meet her at the door, and walk her to the table to introduce her to your bmom? She probably doesn't want to walk in alone and feel like the "outsider" - who could blame her? I'm sure she is a nervous wreck and I applaud her for agreeing to meet your bmom. I can definitely see how it would be akward for her as well as your bmom and yourself.
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My mom and I live in the same town and we are going to meet my birthmom for dinner half way to where she lives. So we will each do a little driving. But that way my mom has my support since she is nervous about the meeting. We are having this meeting before my birthmom comes into town to visit. I just couldn't wait any longer. The stress of the whole situation was getting to me. I just want them to meet and get it over with. I think the hard part for my mom is not meeting her. My birthmom is handeling the situation much better than my mom. I hope that it all goes well. They are both very incredible, Christian women so I don't think any punches will be throw...lol! I will let you all know how it goes next week. Thank you for the prayers! I'm going to need them.
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Let us know how it goes. We're all pulling for you.:cheer: Do please do your best not to compare who's handling what how well- different parts of reunion are good/hard/joyful scary for the different parties. This is obviously the hard part for your mom, but I'm sure other parts have been or will be difficult for you or for your birth mother. Of course, I'm not in your shoes and I don't know just how difficult your mom might be being at the moment. If that's the case, then I hope meeting your birth mother will help to humanize her and give your mom a bit more peace, for everyone's sake. Mostly, it will just take the assurance that only time can give. Can't wait to hear and hoping for a good report!
Hello Everyone,
I wanted to let you know how the meeting of the moms went. We all survived and I didn't even drink :) Ha! My amom and I met my bmom for dinner. At first it was very uncomfortable but as the evening went along we all got more comfortable. So all in all the meeting itself went good. Afterwards, we all parted ways. Later that evening I spoke to my bmom on the phone and she had a really hard time. She was crying and said for the first time she saw what she missed out on all these years. It made me very sad for her. She is going through her own healing process that she wasn't able to go through when she gave me up. (She was a teenager). I know in time that things will get better for her and my amom. I never knew going into this reunion phase that so many emotions were going to be there. I have hurt and grieved the loss of my bmom all my life so this part isn't so hard on me. It's the moms who are having the difficulty. My amom is still having a hard time seeing things from my point of view. I'm trying really hard not to get angry with her. Though, it is really hard sometimes. I'm just keep praying for all of us and know that in the end it will all be okay!
Well, I'm very glad to hear that things went well. Thanks for updating us!
You are all dealing with very unique emotions and sometimes it's hard to relate to what the other person is feeling...So for right now, just process your own emotions, and your moms will have to process theirs...
It's an ever evolving process...Just take it a step at a time.
Now go get that drink!!!
congratulations...i am sure that was so emotional...i am sure in time things will ''normalize'' a bit.
i am laughing about the drinks...at our last visit with dd's birth family (mom and dad and sisters), it was a little hectic. when we went out to dinner, i could see dd's bdad looking at the drink menu. i said, ''i'm in'' and we each had a big long island iced tea!!!
you are a wonderful dd to both of your moms!!
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I'm so glad it went okay for you! Over time things will get better. My parents all met together in October, and it went great, but I have also seen some of the behviors from amom in the way of claiming me and being a little possessive of me. Sometimes her behviors are just rediculous and unnecessary, but as long as I reassure her that I'm her daughter too, and always will be, it helps.
I know yours have already met, but a conversation of that nature with your amom could be helpful. Just continue to tell her that you know how hard this is for her, but that you'll always be her daughter and noone can take that away from her.
But she also has to see from your point of view.... you didn't decide to be adopted, so having your bmom in your life is your choice and its healthy and natural for you to want that. Likely your amom already knows all of this, but just needs to be told again by you.
Good luck whatever you do!
JENN, I think you have handled this with grace, and dignity, that ANY mother would be proud of. I do not know if I will ever have this chance, but if so, I will remember your post, and how emotions can be strong for all involved. These emotions will take time, for both your mom and Firstmom, but I see there is great possibilities in the future. Like some have said, keep those lines of communication open. Know that you can only be responsible for your own feelings. These 2 amazing moms, have done very well by you. I wish you many more happy days ahead ...with BOTH moms. Remember to tell your mom how important she really is, after all she is and always will be the" TRUE" mom, whom loved, cared ,and supported all that you have become...an amazing daughter! Blessings...C.J.:clap: