If this is the law, why does birthfamily get preference until the end?
because workers recognize that should the placement be appropriate and safe, that it is a great benefit for children to grow up within their birth family. because sometimes workers know they messed up by 1)not contacting family members in a timely manner, 2)not exploring the list of relatives provided by the parent, 3)not moving quickly enough to get families cleared or licensed.
i've been on both sides of the fence, and as a foster parent i know it is hard to lose a baby or think about losing a baby you have cared for...especially when it seems like family waits until the last second to jump in. but now that i have been on the other side, i now know that sometimes factors play into that that are out of the family's control. i also think that sometimes family members don't want to step in and take a child because they believe the child will go home to the parent shortly, or they don't want to get involved and upset the parent...and it is not until it is made clear that the situation is about to permanently remove the child from their family do they decide to step up.
another thing to consider is that the birth family is NOT always given preference until the end. i know of many cases...including some in my home, where the family actively sought to care for the kid...up until the end....but they could not get approved to do so. so just "being" family does not mean they get to parent these children. but i believe cw's and judges are doing the best thing for these children when they check out every possible avenue.
As my children adopted from foster care get older, they talk more, and i realize just how important their biological family is to them. even when they talk about the abuse and neglect, they will in the next sentence talk about how mad they are that no one in their birth family could or would care for them. i think it is something they will always struggle with, and i am thankful that we can say everything was done to make sure that they were in the safest most appropriate place possible. every person that stepped forward to care for them was checked out by a social worker....even the ones who did not come forward until 2 years after they came into care, moved in with us, and we declared we wanted to adopt them.
i'm sorry. i do know that it is painful and difficult. i just ran across a photo this morning of a baby we fostered that we were told we could adopt, who ended up going home. ugh. in the end, i was so very glad he was going to be raised within his family, but my happiness for him, will never be enough to make up for the pain we felt when he left. hang in there!
