Need help please!

April 11, 2009

I wish I could help you find your daughter. I don't have a clue how to actually do that except for registering your name and all the information with a place that helps reunite adopted people with their birth family.

I'm brain dead this morning and can't remember the name of even one place. Sheesh, I've had some doosies of days with my memory these days. If I can remember any of them I'll post it. Maybe someone else here whose brains are more in tact than mine at the moment can give that information.

I am in reunion with my daughter but her adoptive dad found me. I didn't find my daughter. I'd done all the searching and trying to find her also before her adoptive dad found me and I had no luck either on my own. But that's more because I didn't know about any place.

I wish you luck in your search. I know how you feel. Before I was in contact with my daughter I was extremely frustrated and cried a lot. I didn't feel complete or whole.

But one thing, please be aware you may find something you're not expecting when you find her. I'd get counseling and prepare for it before actually getting into a reunion.

You might want to read the stories here and how other reunions have gone and are going.

My particular situation is pretty bad. I found out my daughter had been raised by crazy people. She was abused and throw into a lot of situations she shouldn't have and turned out to be someone totally the opposite than I'd been told she would. Her adoptive family abused her so bad that she has mental health issues pretty bad.

Her adoptive mom is still in control of her life and my daughter is 33 years old!

When I found out what had happened to her in her life, it nearly sent me out of my mind and it was something I couldn't deal with.

Now because of her adoptive mom (the adoptive mom and dad have been divorced since my daughter was 9 or 10) my daughter and I can't have a decent relationship. It's a long long story and one I don't have time at the moment to explain. But let's just say, my relationship with my daughter is not what it should be. We have to sneak when we talk. We can't have an open relationship and even when we have talked, it's not very good. Her adoptive mom threatened her if she talks to me or has anything to do with me she will be taken out of the Will and never have a dime from her estate. The woman is a millionaire!

However, when my daughter "feels like it" she contacts me via internet chat in IM. But sometimes it can go months without any contact whatsoever and then suddenly there she is trying to get hold of me for something. It's been a nightmere to say the least.

If I'd been prepared for what I MIGHT find, and realize it wouldn't be "instant" relationship just because I gave birth to her and her parents were supposed to love me too instead of the reality of what it was I might have been able to deal with it better.

So, if you haven't already please please please get some counseling and prepare for it as much as you can and hope for the best but don't expect it. I don't know if that makes sense but believe me it's not as easy as it looks on TV. No one tells the "behind the scenes" "before" meeting stuff. And they make it look much better than it usually is or stays. You know?

Rylee