6 Months and 3 Emails ago (and no response)

Please don't give up -- you can't assume she doesn't want to know you because she hasn't answered the emails. Perhaps it is not an active email acct. There is currently another thread on these forums by an adoptee who messaged her bfather on his myspace page about a year ago, and he took so long to respond because he never checked his page. Sometimes there's good reason for the lack of response. Have you been able to find out her actual home address? I would think with all the search sites, you could find where she lives. If you find a possible phone number linked to the address, maybe you could have a friend call that number just to see if someone by that name lives there (or you could call from a public phone and hang up). Have you looked for her on myspace or facebook? I think you need to send her a snail mail letter (return receipt requested or ?) explaining that you previously sent 3 emails, and kindly asking her to respond one way or another. Until you get an answer, I think you have the right to keep trying to make contact. I have a feeling that she didn't get your emails. She's at the age when she would most likely want to know her bmom, especially if she's a mom herself. Best of wishes, and keep us posted.

Thank you SoniaRose for your response to my email. Speaking as an adult adoptee it means a lot to hear you say "I have a right to continue to search since I've had to response from her. " I will continue to find another way of making contact with her. So far, no address and no phone number. She lives in Chicago. I know she's there but it's a big city, and I haven't been able to get a confirmed address or number. So close, yet so far away. Your comment is so very much appreciated. Thank you. :thanks: Humbird

I'd like to echo SoniaRose's suggestion of sending a snail-mail letter, preferably registered or certified. I don't like contacting people through email--it just seems too impersonal to me. Your daughter may very well have not received your emails, or if she is like me, she may have assumed it was spam and deleted it without opening it. I get so much email every day, and I delete it (without opening it) if I don't recognize the sender's name. The only way I even look at email sent by someone whose name I don't recognize is if they make it plain in the subject line that they're someone I know. If your daughter did receive and read your emails, she may just be taking her time and processing it all internally. Hang in there -- and send her a letter through the postal service. :loveyou:

Raven brings up a good point -- people often delete email of unknown origin. Some email accounts may also send unknown mail directly to the spam or bulk mail folder. I suppose you have searched for your daughter's address on whitepages.com or yellowpages.com -- the reverse directories are useful as well to cross reference. Zabasearch also provides addresses for free, but it's not always up to date. You can then check the address on zillow.com or other real estate sites to see when the house last changed owners. You can subscribe to ancestry.com for a free trial -- current addresses are also available there for subscribers. On ancestry, you can be sure you are looking at the correct person because you can see the names of her aparents, etc. Pipl.com is an interesting people search site and can show links to the person's facebook page or Amazon wish list. Pipl also has links to those paid address search sites -- I have never paid for an address, so I don't know how accurate they are. Of course, it is much easier to find information on people with uncommon last names -- it is also easier if the person is a homeowner rather than a renter, and if the person does not move every couple years. If you only have her work address, it might be okay to send a letter to her boldly marked "Private and Confidential"/signature required. And if you think you have her home address, I would think that if you send a letter requiring her signature, the letter would be returned to you if she isn't there (?) I know that all of this is very hard. When I first wrote my half-sis asking if she was the daughter of my deceased bmom, I was terrified -- my hands were shaking so badly that I had a hard time addressing the envelope -- but I drove to the post office and put it in the mail slot -- then I had three weeks of anxiety until she called. She wasn't as friendly as I would have liked, but she did identify herself and tell me about my bmom. We all need the answers to our questions, even if the response is not what we want to hear. I presume you have registered her birth information on all the adoption registries in case your daughter has been looking for you? Keep moving forward, and good luck!

I agree with the others here about the email not being reliable sometimes. I had an experience with someone recently where I had invited them to my messenger and have tried many times to get this person to accept my invite. Turned out my email had somehow gotten put on the "ignore" list and she didn't know how. I was able to contact her another way and now we have the messenger thing set up. Being on the "ignore" list also stopped my emails from getting through and not only blocked IM's. I'd write a snail mail letter too. I think it would probably get to her better. Since she didn't know you before. I wouldn't give up until you know what's going on but I would also be prepared for the possibility that she really doesn't want anything to do with you. I have a friend who is over 50 who has no interest whatsoever in meeting her birth mom because she said her adoptive mom was the best mom she could have had and there was no need for her to find or contact her birth mother and she's just decided to leave it alone. She knows I'm a birth mother and how much I wanted to know my daughter (before we met) and she still didn't want to know her birth mom. It was kind of upsetting to think about but it was what she felt. It had nothing to do with not appreciating her or anything like that. She said her birth mom probably did what was the best for her and she was thankful she was raised in a good home. I hope that's not the case with your daughter but be prepared for that being a possibility. Rylee