I'm still alive...

Rylee, I'm glad to see you're okay. I was starting to worry about you. Were you ever able to get any type of assistance with taking care of your mom? Are you ever able to get out of the house and do something just for you? I know things were pretty stressful a couple months ago. Just wondering if they got any better...

Hey Riley, Just saying hello! :-)

Glad to hear it. I hope things are going ok with your mom. I understand how you are feeling. I hope it gets better.

Rylee, so glad - I know it's hard to stay in touch - life, medical issues, just "feelings". Take care.

(((Rylee))) May God give you strength and peace.

Hi Rylee! You're missed here! Loads of hugs and support your way!

Thanks everyone. I miss being here as much as I was able before. My mom is still giving me trouble and I'm trying to deal with her and her mental problems as well as her physical problems. She wears me out so bad I can't function sometimes. We're talking again about putting her in a nursing home and have been gathering information about them here near us. I told my mom I'd give her 6 months from the time she got out of the hospital and after that if I didnt' feel I could deal with it anymore then I would have to put her in a home. I know I can't deal with her for the rest of my life in her condition. I'm so worn out I am about to colapse these days. I haven't been to my own doctor yet and really NEED to do that so I can get some stuff to help me cope with my mom for the time being. I've been having a lot of problems with support of other family members as well and that's taken it's tole on me too. There's so much I could go on and on about here but I won't. I'm surviving that's about it. But I have my friends here to talk to and for that I'm grateful! Thank you! Rylee

((((Rylee)))) You've done a heck of a lot more than I could have done, and you have nothing to feel bad about as far as putting your mom in a home. Really. As parents ourselves we want to do the best for our kids and I think about that when I think about situations like yours, I can't imagine that your mom would want you to sacrifice yourself at her expense. Poor you, this whole thing has been so hard. My heart aches for you.

The thing is, my mom doesn't want to go into a nursing home and she's been telling me she will "try harder" and "do better" and all the empty promises she makes about her recovery. She could possibly get her legs back and not have to be lifted in and out of bed and on and off the toilet and all the other reasons I have to lift her from here to there. She just won't do what she needs to do to get past this or at least be more independant even though it is her that is keeping her down. She could do more than she is with her upper half of her body. She still has the use of her arms and could do more than she is choosing to do. She'll just "wait" on this and "wait" on that when she could do it herself. Things like wheeling herself into the kitchen and getting a bottle of water for herself. Or reaching just a few inches farther to get something. Or have her grabbers handy so she can pick something up off the floor. She just doesn't want to do anything for herself. She won't even think for herself most of the time. I have to tell her to do this or that or move here or there or turn over so I can change her depends or her clothes. No matter how many times we've done these same things, day in and day out, she still has to be told what to do. She doesn't have dementia or any other kind of mental disability. Nothing that would cause her to have to be directed in everything she does. I really don't know what to do sometimes. We've talked about the nursing home though and I told her that I can't handle physically anymore the things I've had to do. I'm in so much pain all the time I can't sleep some nights for the spasms in my back and legs. But she still doesn't want to go and she's more or less trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to put her in a home. Her words constantly are, "I'm doing my best" but she'll then say, "I'll do better tomorrow. I promise." and then she just does the same old things and it's just more than I can handle. Anyway............... Sorry to go on like this. I'm just at my wits end and I have to do this or I'm going to die. I have chest pains and body aches and other things that are scaring me. I have to get to the doctor this week. I can't wait any longer. I just have to find a way to have my mother taken care of when I do go to the doctor. Rylee

I know this is hard Rylee! and I can hear your struggle BUT (and I'm really sorry to say this this way, but I am so sad for you right now!) you CAN NOT take care of your mom at the expense of yourself, and this sounds exactly like what you're doing. ((((rylee))) Of course you are the one in the situation and you are the one who needs to make the decisions. I'm just seeing this as an outsider with no emotional attachment to your mom. Please try to find the inner strength to do what's ultimately right for your mom! AND for you! Think, if you're feeling better mentally and physically, how you'll be able to deal with visiting her better. Ok, I really don't want to seem harsh! Please know anything I say is just because I care. In ANY event, I've said my piece, so I'll happily sit and read and be some ears and support you through whatever you do. Let us know what the doctor says.

Rylee, you have gone above and beyond the call of duty! My question is, what are her resources? I see 3 possible solutions. (There are others, I'm sure.) First,is keep everything the way it is -- a recipe for disaster. Second, place her in a nursing home with the understanding that it could be temporary, depending on her ability to learn to care for herself. Third, hire some one to be there several hours a day. That would allow you time for yourself, so you don't kill her or you.

Hi Rylee! It's good to hear from you, I'm just sorry to hear how hard things still are. The chronic lack of effort sounds to me like your mom may be depressed. I just don't know how much of this you can can bear on your own. It sounds like you've given some ultimatums...maybe they need to be more specific. Perhaps you could outline for your mom what you will do for her and what you won't--as in, not doing for her what she is capable of doing herself that will promote recovery? Like wheeling around places, using her grabbers, etc? If she's having issues with using her body to perform some basic self-sufficiency function even though she is basically physically capable, perhaps a geriatric occupational therapist could be helpful. Anyway, I don't want to just throw out advice. Please know we're thinking of you and hoping that you are taking care of yourself.

Thank you for your words here. I do appreciate everything and advice you've given. Rylee