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After reading some threads here and especially the one with the open adoption that has closed and all the stuff that is going on, I started thinking about my own situation way back when.
At the time of my pregnancy and trying to find a way to get away from my dad and not be killed etc by him for being pregnant, my mom tried to get SOMEONE in her family let me stay with them until I had the baby and could figure a way to keep her. Not one single family member would help me in that way but I did have an Uncle and Aunt who were willing to take her from me for adoption.
At that point in my life adoption was NOT what I was going to do but obviously that's the way it ended up and I had years of emotional pain I'm STILL experiencing.
The condition of my Aunt and Uncle taking my daughter was that I NEVER contact them again and my daughter would be theirs and I would "disapear" into nothingness. I couldn't even imagine that at the time. This was before I was forsed to go into the unwed mother's home/foster home.
I could never understand how a relative could expect that of me. It didn't sound right and I didn't know what my life was going to be like at the time. Then the agency got hold of me and that was it.
I have not spoken to my Uncle and Aunt since then. I've seen them maybe once or twice due to being in the area with other family but I've never wanted to talk to them again and I still resent them for what they did. They could have taken me in and helped me with my daughter and learning to raise her etc. My family turned their back on me and I guess I've never forgiven them. Any of them but especially my Uncle and Aunt who wanted me to disapear.
I don't understand that at all! How can a friend or a relative turn their backs on you after you've given your baby to them??????!!!! GOD The thought of that just makes me want to punch my fists through a wall!!!!:hissy: :hissy: :hissy: :hissy: :hissy: :hissy:
Other than the broken promises, ONE of the worst things to me too is the pedestal we're put on for being so "brave" for "giving our child a life we couldn't" by giving the child up but then the minute we do, WHAM we're being flushed down the toilet and being put in the lowest of low places and made out to be sluts and whatever OTHER term meant to call us a "sleep around" even when we've only been with ONE boy who made us believe that we were "the one" and "if we loved them, we'd...YOU KNOW" and believed it so did it.
It just makes me SICK the way we're thought of AFTER we give the baby up!!!!!!!!!!!! :hissy: :mad:
:hissy: :mad: :hissy::mad: :hissy: :mad:
Rylee
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Rylee, wow, I didn't realize for some reason that your aunt and uncle are your daughter's parents. Whew...that's got to be a really, really difficult situation.
It seems that many of us have been remembering and reexamining the relinquishment experience the past couple days...
Hang in there, and know that you're not alone. :loveyou:
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LOL, Rylee, I think I'm starting to show my age. I haven't been able to think very clearly today...actually I don't feel very good today. I've been having chest pains on and off all afternoon. They say the memory is the first thing to go, and my short-term memory has been crap lately. Stress is not a good thing.
Anyhoo, I'm glad you cleared that up for me. I'm sorry your aunt and uncle were so mean to you, though... :(
It stinks not having family support. Although I didn't experience the cruelty you did, Rylee, and wasn't sent away, I did have an aunt and uncle who refused to speak to me because I was pregnant and they were ashamed of me. I could walk right past them on the street and say hi, and they wouldn't even look at me or acknowledge my presence at all. I can't even begin to imagine a scenario where they would have wanted my baby but for me to conveniently "disappear."
Sometimes I wish I had given my daughter to my Aunt and Uncle because at least I would have known where she was and if I wanted to sneak to see her (like hiding in the bushes or watching her on a playground at a school etc) I could have. I could have known her name as well.
However, my Uncle and Aunt were not the best parents in the world and would have probably been just as bad as who she was raised with. I don't know.
I just know it's very difficult for me to want to even look at them when there have been family gatherings where we've had to be in the same room. I won't talk to them.
I had another Aunt who had a daughter a few years younger than I am and she wouldn't let me come live with her either because I was a "bad influence" on her daughter and they just couldn't "expose her" to such things because she might end up getting pregnant.
Then you know what happened??? She told my mom and dad they were doing the right thing in making me give my baby up because "young girls shouldn't have babies because they won't take care of them and the parents have to take on that responsibility and that's just not right" GAG ME WITH A PITCHFORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:hissy: :hissy: :hissy:
I didn't live around her daughter and was not even in the picture when HER daughter got pregnant without being married!! You know what she did???? She (my other aunt) threw a baby shower, ENCOURAGED her to keep the baby (which she did) and helped her raise it until she got married!!!
Whenever my aunt and I have talked about the situation with my giving my daughter up because no one would help me, she said, "Well, it was your mom and dad's decision for you. If they wanted you to keep her you'd have been able to but you were too young at the time anyway."
Her daughter was 18 when she had her baby! I was 17 when I had mine! What the heck is the difference in the age but one year. 18 year olds are not much more "grown up" than a 17 year old!!! Especially since she had JUST turned 18!! :hissy: :hissy: :hissy:
I just get so angry with the whole thing. I just want to stop being angry and forgive but I can't get past the fact that because I had sex and got pregnant I was the whore, the bad influence, the runaround, and whatever other thing they could come up with for the reason I shouldn't be respected.:hissy: :hissy: :hissy:
That particular aunt has been one to cause so much trouble in the family. She's a busy body and a know it all and whenever she can she's gone to all of my siblings (who I already don't get along with very often for one reason or another) and tells them things that aren't true and have caused more problems between us than we already had.
Anyway............... I wish I could understand why all this is coming up right now. I just don't have a peaceful day sometimes for days in a row and this just sets me off so much. I wish I knew why.
Rylee :(
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