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We are very frustrated and upset,angry....etc... It will be one year in june we had our 7 yr old fd,who was supposedly going to tpr,but we were led in the wrong direction. After 4 CW for her,and each with their own ways of doing things,results.....missed visits,changed visits,wrong times......it has never been a routine ....the poor kid pulled out of school weekly,and coming home at 830 pm,exhausted,usually hungry,and having to do homework.Then we have the weekend visit during the day,which we both have to juggle around because of work schedule. The bio mom,has been non compliant according to one cw, compliant according to another etc.....basically,we have learned over the year that she really had know place to live,failed UA,no real source of income,no vehicle,no license,and numerous other things a normal mother should not be part of! All family members criminal backrounds,including 1 pedophile. Bio dad,(not married or with bio mom)mia for the first year(jail),then got into the picture 6 months ago,had a couple of visits,then no-shows,then mia again(2 months)....now has some scheduled visits coming up..... again. Well you can basically see what has been going on......we have kept our sanity,and kept this little girl,safe and loved,and she has changed our lives......she is the happiest,she has ever been,and has built up her confidence,self esteem,no longer waking up in the middle of the night(terrified) Her appetite is unreal,she is very active,loving her life..... She is excelling in school,now after a shaky start......she has been in every thing we could get her into,acro,dance,scrapbooking,daisies,several recitals,vacations,movies ,bowling....you name it she wanted to do it,and we made sure she could,even at a cost to us.......had many many sleepovers of all the freinds she has in school,and new cousins....... Today it is all gonna end....got a call from current CW,yesterday,saying she is confident she is going back with biomom.....may be as early as this week. But they will still let her do her dance recital this weekend. I know exactly what will happen to this kid,when she is reunited..... I cant write what I really think about this "system".....but I think you already know. We are done..... tess113
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I've just read through this thread. All I can say is, wow. Only each person can decide if they can go through what you did, Tess. I would have felt like you did in wanting to give up. I know it's never the child's fault but when your heart is ripped out by the system so many times, how much can you really be expected to take? Please continue to update this thread!
Road24Ever
I've just read through this thread. All I can say is, wow. Only each person can decide if they can go through what you did, Tess. I would have felt like you did in wanting to give up. I know it's never the child's fault but when your heart is ripped out by the system so many times, how much can you really be expected to take? Please continue to update this thread!
Well, finally,we have our adoption date,and all is good. Just would like some advice on name changing. We would like her to have our last name,but she insists on keeping her old one. We understand,and offered her to maybe have both,and she refuses to even talk about it. We feel kind of hurt,that after all we have done,this is the only thing we asked of her,but she refuses. That being said,we understand that it is her identity,and it is probably the only thing she has left to hold on to her past.We would understand more if it was her bmoms name ,but it is her bdads name,who she openly says she despises,and never wants any contact ever.... She is 12 now,and will be a "teenager" very soon,so we will definitely leave it up to her. Just want to understand better...... thanks for any help,and yes we are very happy this has all worked out,know matter what her name is!
tess113
Well, finally,we have our adoption date,and all is good. Just would like some advice on name changing. We would like her to have our last name,but she insists on keeping her old one. We understand,and offered her to maybe have both,and she refuses to even talk about it. We feel kind of hurt,that after all we have done,this is the only thing we asked of her,but she refuses. That being said,we understand that it is her identity,and it is probably the only thing she has left to hold on to her past.We would understand more if it was her bmoms name ,but it is her bdads name,who she openly says she despises,and never wants any contact ever.... She is 12 now,and will be a "teenager" very soon,so we will definitely leave it up to her. Just want to understand better...... thanks for any help,and yes we are very happy this has all worked out,know matter what her name is!
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CRAZY_WOMAN
Why don't you keep her full name, including last name, put yours on the end. So she could still use her last name or both. I wouldn't want to give my last name up either, especial at that age.
tess113
CW,We asked her to do that,even hyphenate both names,or add it to her middle name.....but she refuses to add our name,or make any change....we do not want her to give up her name at all. Makes you wonder what is going thru there minds..... She really does not like to talk about it,even with therapist,whom she tells everything....
So do you think that adding it as "part" of her original is to much of a change? In other words,having her complete original name,is the only thing that links her with her bdad,who she despises,and says she never wants any contact? I am guessing she just still wants to have that link,know matter what,like you are saying,because it is all she has left....please bear with me,I am just trying to understand. thanks tess113
tess113
So do you think that adding it as "part" of her original is to much of a change? In other words,having her complete original name,is the only thing that links her with her bdad,who she despises,and says she never wants any contact? I am guessing she just still wants to have that link,know matter what,like you are saying,because it is all she has left....please bear with me,I am just trying to understand. thanks tess113
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That very well could be ....she always wanted to be with her mother,and not be adopted.....until she got her wish,and she was placed back with her mother,only for her ,and bmom to realise they could not do it. This is her only choice,so i guess you are right,she does not want to be adopted.....But this is her home,and this is where she wants to be,with us....so in order to feel stability and love,and her knowing we will always be there for her,that is her only choice..... thanks tess113
one thought is she can always change her name later once she has had time to process everything. Anyone can change their name for any reason. The action of not wanting to change the name does speak about how she is feeling inside and one day she might feel different. I am so happy you guys have an adoption date!
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tess113
She just said yesterday,she would agree to "add" our last name before her last name,like 2-middle names..... She now agrees that doing that,is really not a problem,and so she said OK. We should be wrapped up by next week,and it will finally be done! What a ride!!! thanks tess113