Adoption LIES!

I seem to be one of the few people on these forums who is actually better off without her birthmother. I know that this will make me extremely unpopular, but it is simply the sad truth.She is only in her mid 40's now, has 9 children, and has raised none of them. Most are now in foster care, but a few of us were placed for adoption soon after birth (I was placed when I was 3 months old because of bio father's family's urging.) She has been incarcerated multiple times, is wanted in 3 different southern states, and is bipolar and has severe drug and alcohol issues.I have met her many times. I have spoken to her on the phone for hours. She goes through fazes- sometimes she'll call me often, sometimes I won't hear from her for years. I haven't spoken to her in about 2 years. She is incapable of giving herself to any of her children.She loves fiercely, but is absolutely incompetent and has trouble keeping relationships with anyone. None of her children hear from her often- many hate her for what she's done to them -for how she's left them.I am grateful everyday that I was adopted. Not because I like it- because I certainly do not. The knowledge that I am "better off" does not do me any good. It seems here that on the forums, 99% of the birthmothers here would have and have been perfectly wonderful mothers. I read posts like this- and I agree with you all. I am disgusted by the things I read on here. I am also saddened- saddened that the OP is so angry, and that her daughter has suffered at the hands of incompetent parents- I am saddened by all the pain on all sides of the traid. I am saddened, too, that my birthmother will never post here. I am thankful everyday that I was placed for adoption.But I do not thank my adoptive parents, even though they have loved me since the day they laid eyes on me.I do not thank the adoption industry, or the lawyer who facilitated my adoption. They were just doing their jobs. Some of them for the wrong reasons.I do not even thank God- because I know that I am no more deserving of blessings than my siblings who remained in my biological family. No. At the end of the day- I thank my birthmother. She did not have to do it. She did not WANT to do it. She changed her mind multiple times before finally submitting to the adoption. Was it the best thing? Absolutely. By looking at the siblings after and before me who she attempted to parent- I can safely surmise that it was for the best. Was I special? No. She had given up babies before, and did it multiple times since.Was it one of the hardest things she's ever had to do? Maybe, maybe not. She's had a hard life. Did she do it for me? Yes. For those few months that she acted as my mother- she made the best decision that she could. She is absolutely beautiful, physically and temperamentally. She is kind, generous, and emotional. She loves intensely, and has such good intentions. She has had a hard life. She has made poor decisions. I may never see her again. I may never get to thank her, properly, for what she's given to me. But when I think of her- I think of these things. I think of all the things I know about her- about the time we first met- about the blanket she made me and the stuffed animal she sent me home with. I think about all the letters she wrote me, and the poem she wrote me the day before my relinquishment that I still have."New Life" it is called.

Silently, I've watched you grow

But now I'll set you free sweet soul.

You are so small,so big. So young, and so old.

I hold onto you tightly, as if to never let go.

But soon, little sweet, my heart will open wide

as the magic of your new life is unfurled

as you push yourself into your world.

Go ahead, little one, I'll wait here to cheer you on.Society tells me that she was wrong- that she was unfit. That she could not have raised me, and that she was smart for not trying. That may be true. I admit that it probably is true.But When I see my birthmother, that is not what I see. I do not see the addict, the sad woman, the lonely soul, or the poor decisions. I see my mother, the first one I had. I see the look on her face when she saw me for the first time in nearly 2 decades. I see that poem she wrote only for me- and I don't know how anyone can tell me she was "unworthy"- or that her decision was made out of anything but love.I am sickened that the industry has trivialized and compartmentalized all the women who have placed children from adoption.Rylee( and everyone else who posted-) I am sorry for this. I agree with everything you have posted, even if it is not easy for me to do so. What a sad state we have found ourselves in. We live in a very small world, all of us who are a part of the adoption "triad"- and what a bleak and sad world it can sometimes be.Adoption can be beautiful- it CAN be good. But it is never easy.