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Today husband told me about a strange conversation he had with a friend, and it's opening up a whole area of thought I had never considered possible.
The friend is married, and he and his wife had their first child in December. Apparently, they aren't handling things well financially, and have stripped down their budget to bare minimum in order to survive. They would be alright, except that the wife came up pregnant again almost immediately and they don't know what they are going to do.
When my husband heard that the wife was pregnant again, he jokingly said "if it's another girl, we'll take it," and the friend said, in all seriousness, "deal."
Clearly, we need to spend a lot of time talking to this couple about it if this is something we're really going to do, but I'm not really clear on what the adoption process would be like if it does. Clearly there is no agency involved, and the child would never have been in foster care...help?
Why military forum, you ask? Both of the husbands involved are in the Army, and the friend, his wife, and the first daughter will shortly be PCSing to Korea for the next couple of years.
Any advice, information, or personal stories would be VERY welcomed. Thank you!
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Its sad to even know that it could come to this situation seeing as Tricare provides free birth control. However, people amaze me every day with new ways to make dumb choices.
On the bright side, this could turn in more than one positive direction. If all parties are serious about this, I would seek legal council. I dont believe there is a requirement to use an agency, so you could just hire a lawyer that specializes in adoption, and being that all parties are interested in would take a lot of the hard work out. Of course, it could cause completely new hardships if you go about it the wrong way....
Or, better yet...perhaps recommend they seek financial council so that they can keep their unborn child. All military personnel make the same money as others in their rank (Air Force wife here) so if other families live off it, they can learn too! As their friends, I would consider that direction. It sounds like a stress mess that would potentially ruin a friendship if they chose to try and regain custody in the future. Friends are shoulders to cry on, to seek advice from....not to give your child to. :)
Good luck with whatever happens! I would definetly take the time to seek advice from a professional....if anything, they could use some council in these trying times.
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I think there is a chance an agency will need to be involved, even though you are taking care of the match on your own. Certain states require that an agency be involved in all infant adoptions (and I think your home of record will dictate but am really guessing.) I only say that because we found a birthmother on our own and live in state that does not require an agency but she lived in a state that did so we couldn't just go attorney to attorney.
That adoption fell through because the bmom decided to parent. Her boyfriend was the one pushing the adoption...make sure that the wife is on board with her husband's good idea.
If you are even thinking about adopting, jump on you homestudy. They don't take as long as folks say but I would think 2 months will be the minimum. (:
Being military and currently going through a hmestudy i will say jump on that first. The homestudy is the most important part and you will need to gather all sorts of info. Not to mention getting a memrandum(sp?) of employment from hubby's commander, background checks, tax forms, etc..It goes on and on.
Seriously talk to this family, and see if this is something they really want to do, and if it is something that you really think you are able to handle.
Seek a lawyer (JAG can only advise) and Good Luck!
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