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Wondering what opinions are. Our daughter was in and out of foster care for the first eight years of her life until we adopted her. Nobody in the birth family ever took her into their homes. (they were either unfit or did not wish to) About once a year, social services will forward a gift from a birth Aunt. Last year she included a very chatty letter about what everyone in the birth family was up to. As if it was just an annual Christmas letter. Recently, Social Services forwarded a letter to me from this Aunt in which she told me she is looking forward to her relationship with my daughter growing and looks forward to letting us know how her birth family is doing. She also wants pictures and updates from me about my daughter. This Aunt is happily married, has a nice home and a good job. Yet all those years my daughter was being bounced around in foster care, social services asked her several times if my daughter could be placed with her and she always said no. She sent gifts and visited once or twice from what my daughter remembers. It's odd to me that this woman I don't know seems to think she's entitled to a relationship with my daughter and updates about her life. It's even odder that she wants to let us know how a birth family (who never was there for my daughter) is doing. My daughter doesn't even remember their names or what their relationship is to her. I don't know what to do with this and I don't know how I should respond. I want what is ultimately best for my daughter but I am feeling very uncomfortable. I don't see the point in stirring all of this up. Any thoughts? (I'm all thought out-even my daily walk on the beach with all my dogs and talking with friends didn't help me like it normally does.) Thanks.
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She may not have been in a position at the time to take your daughter, but it sounds like she's always wanted to maintain some connection, hence the gifts over the years and now the letter. I understand your concern, though and personally, this would rub me the wrong way, too: She has PRESUMED a lot here. I think if her approach was to ASK you if it would be alright if she could open the lines of communication and have some updates sent back and forth, that would have come across much better than assuming it was already a given. I'm not saying she should tiptoe around you, but I would not have approached you this way if I was a birthfamily member in the same position. Think it over some more. You don't have to have an answer rightthisminute. But you might consider sending some occasional updates (whatever you are comfortable with) through the agency as an intermediary and keeping things "semi-open." It doesn't even have to be very frequent if you don't want it to be, but it could be helpful to have the connection for your child and also, maybe the birthfamily has made some progress in healing and this aunt wants to share that with you??
she told me she is looking forward to her relationship with my daughter growing and looks forward to letting us know how her birth family is doing
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