Want to adopt an older child

Hi,I am 40 y/o and pursuing adoption through foster care. Initially, i desired a little girl(s)between the ages of infant and 10, but after doing research, speaking with people who have adopted older children, and watching some of the videos of foster and adopted teens speaking about adoption and how all they want is a forever family, i am considering raising the ages. I must say, my heart has softened. I think i was just intimidated. What do i know about raising a teen? It's amazing how many people i know discourages older child adoption. There are so many others who have started out wanting only babies and younger children, but for one reason or another, they end up with an older child, and everything turned out well. Would love to chat. Where are you at in your process to adopt?

I absolutely would recommend older child adoption. We finalized our dd's adoption this April after nearly 2 years of hard labor due to us not being told she had pretty severe RAD. We then were told to disrupt, even getting to the point where her home state (she's from FL, we're in PA) told us that they were concerned for OUR safety so were sending her back. We had to go to court to beg the judge to allow us to finalize & we did! It has been the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life but she has started responding so well that it may also end up being the biggest joy of my life!

We have two older children. One is easy and one is hard. The easy one is generally trustworthy, at least with regard to his intentions. Over the years he has had a lot of babysitters and never a real parent. That means he never admired or respected an adult so he never mimicked anyone. He missed out on learning a huge amoung of day-to-day skills that we tend to take for granted. We have to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't do something stupid. I would think that a single parent could handle a kid like this. It would, of course, require a huge change in your lifestyle--just like a baby would. Our other is severe RAD. He needs constant supervision because he will intentionally get into trouble. He is frequently extremely difficult to handle. Respite is extremely difficult to find because everyone knows the problems we have. If there weren't two of us then we would be in big trouble. I can't imagine trying to deal with a kid like this single handedly. Part of his therapy is keeping him with his new mom constantly. He would not have much chance at getting better if he was going to a babysitter (if it were even possible to keep one) during work hours. Sure, go for it. But be careful about the harder cases.

I took adoption class in 2006 than I divorced so I will have to start all over again. I am currently nannying and trying to buy a house. Wanted to be out of debt before adopting which I am now till I buy a house LOL So I am starting all over again I guess..... I am planning to start classes in about 6 month so I will be ready when I am not nannying any longer

I was a step mother to 4 teenages...... Hate watching them grew up on facebook...... I know what you mean about the discourage ment My parents took in teens twice when I was young and they don't understand why I would do the same SO GLAD TO HEAR YOU ARE officially licensed!!! Good Luck

Hi, I am 10 days away in finalising the adoption of an 8 years old girl from who is now presently residing in the Welfare Children home. She was severely abused. I am worried about the affects she will have on my family because I had another 3 years old boy. I am truly scared and uncertain but I am praying very hard to go ahead with this adoption journey. Please pray for me. Angela

Congratulations!! You and your family will be in my prayers.

Hi "Iowa"... I am a single mom too. I adopted my DD from Russia when she was alittle over 8 years old when we came home 'forever'. It is the MOST wonderful journey, but a difficult one also. DD is my only child, and I do have to work full time outside of the home. She is going on 13 and going into 6th grade (Russia doesn't start formal education until they are almost 8 years old - which is 1st grade!). We are home now over 4 1/2 years, and I have been and continue to fight with the school(s) system. She has Fetal Alcohol Exposure, ADHD, Learning delays and disabilities, and newly diagnosed dyslexia. O.K. I fought like crazy to get her IEP in place, and each year I have them review it. VERY difficult, as they like to keep it the same for the 3 years (by law), but I fight to have a re-eval each year. She is going into 6th grade and reads at a 3rd grade level! O.k. so why is the teachers giving her As and Bs in her LRC (Learning Resource Class)? They do NOT like to be questioned! That's just a heads up =) I felt that she was dyslexic for awhile while trying to help her to read. I told the child study team that I wanted her tested for dyslexia, and they said that they didn't have to, because her reading teacher said she was a good and fine reader! WHAT????? I took her for intense reading eval privately (very expensive), and the results...... Dyslexic!!! The school still does not want to hear it. They do NOT label children as Dyslexic but ONLY LD (Learning Disabled). I could go on, and one, but I am sterring off track here..... What I want to say..... Being a single adoptive parent (whether domestic or international), it is wonderful. Your child will bring with them the wonders of a child parent relationship, love, and possibly a bag of issues. The majority of the time, these (all) issues can work out, but you should have ALL kinds of contacts, specialists, referrals, conversations with your school (PRIOR) about services, etc. I would ACTUALLY Not change a day of our lifes...... Yes there are days where I break and cry, but they are less and less now. SUPPORT of family and friends is very important. My biggest fear has always been...... Am I doing everything RIGHT for her...... educationally, medically and the way I am parenting her. I keep her specialist(s) in the Loop all of the time, same as my family and close friends. They keep me in check.

I think that is everyones biggest fear weither the adpot or a boilogical children Thank you everyone for all your helpful advice and sharing your stories

I think that is everyones biggest fear weither the adpot or a boilogical children Thank you everyone for all your helpful advice and sharing your stories

We also live in Iowa and have adopted out of state children. We adopted a 14 yeaer old girl that is now 16. We are in the process of adopting again, however this will be the hardest thing you ever do in your life. These kids come with a lot of issues that are not easy to deal with. It is 1000 times harder than I ever imagined. There are days when I think I am crazy yet I still love each of the kids to death. It is very difficult on our biological children and I pray that they learn from these experiences. There have been many times that I have regretted this decision but many days that I am thankful too. Just make sure you think things through very seriously and go into it with a realistic view of what might be ahead.

Just to update you that the adoption did not work out. In one of the replies to this thread, it was written that it is important for us to have the support of our family and friends when we decide to adopt. It is so true and that is what I find lacking. So, I made the painful decision of loving this child in a different manner. I arrnged for her to be adopted by a friend who is in a better position to love and care for her. At the same time, it has been agreed that I will still be part of this little girl's life. I will be allowed to visit and have time with her too. I hope for the best.

angelachia I think it is great you are still going to be there for this child and you found someone who can care for her. So many kids have people just want out of there life. That most be so hard for them. A child can never have to many adults in there lifes who car for them.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. Though I am convinced that I had made a wise decision and that the little girl is now placed with a wonderful family, I can't help feeling a little bit sad and empty myself. The formal adoption will proceed this Friday, 22/08/2009. The failure of this adoption by myself had also made me realised how empty my marriage is too. My husband had been so unsupportive and had even sabotage the adoption in a quiet and silent manner. His attitude made me lost whatever little hope I had that the adoption would work out and forced me to realised that for the benefits of the little girl, it would be better for me to place her with another family. I am happy to say that her new family had welcome her into their home with open arms and they are looking forward to another adoption of a 5 years old boy who came from the same children home as this little girl!!

Hello, my name is Felix, I am 15 years old, I am in foster care and I am transgender, ftm, still going through the process. I am a very creative teen, I was born June, Friday the 13, 2003. I love cats, I love traveling and I am hoping to be adopted. I came across your profile and you sound like the perfect family for me. I'm from Missouri. I didn't know how else to contact you. And if you're interested, I can talk to my case worker. I am a very great kid, I have a history of depression and suicide, but thankfully I have overcome those times. I work with small kids during the summer at the Boys & Girls club. The kids love me there because of how interactive and playful I am.