super open

This is a tricky one, and of course the bottom line is that only your son's bmom knows what she'd like best. But you know that. ;) I can tell you that for me, it would be hard--I don't like the idea of an overnight visit, frankly, although if it's something my son and his parents want in the future, I'm willing to accomodate that. But having a visit with him without his parents would feel like we were playing some kind of let's-pretend that wouldn't be healthy for me. As it is, his parents want visits more often than his bdad or I do--but we're more than willing, we have a good relationship with his parents (the kid himself is still too small to care), and enjoy their company. I hope you get more responses; since your child was taken from his bmom, though, instead of it being a voluntary relinquishment (I infer), her situation is different from those of most of the bmoms/first moms I see post here. Good luck navigating--this stuff all seems so tricky sometimes.

it is voluntary placement but now that shes placed him he wont return until she completes the plan she agreed too ( she helped create it) and now she isnt working on it. i just want her to make this decsion before the court makes it for her and if they do they may not chose me as permanent placement they may look at her relatives and thats something she doesnt want thats why she voluntarily gave gaurdianship to me because DOESN"T want him raise by the same people who messed her up. and i am trying to determine some ways to make her comfortable with the aranngement. she knows in her heart that he probably isnt going to return but isn't ready to admit it yet and if she doesn't they will take away her power to decide for herself. If Cps steps in she might never see him again but i want to make sure that doesnt happen

Coming from an adoptive mom......I'm not comfortable (at this point anyway) with overnight visits, however DD's birth mom will be at her 2nd birthday party next month. Regarding DD's adoption we are open to most anything, but overnight visits. We even spent mother's day together this year.

I think if it's something you're comfortable with then overnight visits can be a wonderful thing. It's something I don't forsee my daughters Mom being comfortable with, but it's the sort of thing I would certainly embrace. I have many neices and nephews that I have overnight - we play at the pool, watch movies, and play games. I would anticipate that an overnight visit with my daughter would be much of the same. I wouldn't try to be "Mom" on the visit, as I am very clear with that boundary. I do know that there are open adoptions where this sort of visit DOES take place, and where all parties are very comfortable with the arrangement. Again, if it's something that YOU'RE comfortable with, I think it's something worth discussing.

as a potential birthmom this is the relationship i am looking for... we already have children and i think if your bmom can respect that when it comes down to it YOU are mommy it would be an amazing thing for both families and the child

We have a very open adoption with our DD bfamily. Our DD is only 13 months old right now so we don't feel comfortable with them taking her by themselves or overnights as of now. But when DD gets old enough to make her own decisions if she wants to she can. Her bfamily has come to her baptism and we took O to her bfamilies house for their christmas party (we stayed with her as well of course). We also had a small bday party for O with just her bfamily. We have been to bmoms new condo she shares with her sister and her mom and stepdad has invited us to their wedding (which we missed due to vacation same weekend) and they want us to come over for a barbeque. They are our extended family now. They are all VERY appreciative of the openess we have with them. Always a fun time!