Adopted from Nicaragua

When i was 24 i found out i was adopted, i had always had a feeling that i was. But it was confirmed to me by a family member. My mother passed away when i was 19 and since then it has left me lost and confused. I dont know what to believe or how to feel. I loved my mother, she was the world to me. Having learned the truth i love her that much more. She took in someone and gave him her name and life. The fact still remains that i am still lost and without her to answer my questions i feel i might not ever find the truth. Most people take their origins for granted, but i have felt different all my life. I stand outside and look in. My family never really cared much for me, when i found out i was adopted i understood why. I feel myself drifting further and further from those that i have known all my life. I feel a loyalty to them, but at the same time i feel that they have betrayed everything that i held dear. The loneliness i feel has motivated me to find out the truth about my past. Who am I? why did my birth parents abandone me? I feel closer to these people then i ever did to my own family. This fact pulls most on my heart and my mind. I wrote a letter to my grandma in Nicaragua, my hope is that i will know the truth, but fear that out of some misplaced loyalty to my mothers memory i may never find out. I am thinking about traveling to Nicaragua to start my own investigation. But then i wouldnt know were to begin. I dont have either of my birthparents name. I dont even know were and when i was born, facts that always led me to believe i was adopted. One day i will have children of my own, yet i will not be able to answer their questions on our family lineage. My worst fear is that they will feel the same way their father does. To all those who read this post i thank you for taking the time to read my story, i find that talking about helps, And to anyone who might have some knowledge about Nicaragua, I was born in the early 80's, and my adoptive family name is maliano.