Quick question...if there is a sibling group and you want to adopt a child in that group...can you do that and split them up? I don't mean for this to sound insensitive because I know the goal is to keep them together but if you already have children of your own and can't take in four children but would like the it possible? I know many sites say would like to be adopted together or will be placed together. DO you have an option?
When my adopted nephew entered foster care at age 3, he and his two brothers (ages 5 and 7) were placed in 3 separate foster homes because there weren't any homes available to take all 3. When their cases moved to adoption a year later, they remained in separate homes even though the plan was to adopt them out together. Unfortunately, since it is so difficult to place 3 children in the same home, eventually the caseworkers moved on to easier cases and they were left to languish in foster care. When my sister got my nephew as a foster child at age 8.5 (5.5 years after entering the system and 4.5 years after becoming adoptable!), he had been in multiple homes and had emotional problems from the many moves. When my sister initially inquired about adopting him, she was told that he had to be adopted with his brothers, even though by this time they had only seen each other a handful of times in over 5 years! She persisted and was eventually able to adopt him at age 11 (she couldn't take all 3). Sadly, his two brothers aged out of foster care at age 18 and, last we heard, had been shuffling between jail and homelessness.
It breaks my heart that my nephew had to suffer for over 5 years without a forever family. It breaks my heart even more that his 2 brothers never found their forever family. It seems, at least in their cases, adopting them out separately when they were young would have been the better of the two options.
This was nearly 13 years ago, so I don't know how the system works today. I hope that it either A) has more resources available to find siblings permanent homes together or B) has better guidelines on when to give up the attempt and let the kids be adopted separately. Separating siblings is sad, but never being adopted at all is just heartbreaking!
If the child you are interested in is already separated from her siblings, it may be simply because they don't have a foster home available to take them all. And it may be that the social worker has realized (or is beginning to realize) that adopting them together is an impossibility and will let the child be adopted separately. It never hurts to ask. Had my sister not asked about adopting my nephew (and persisted when the answer was "no") he likely would have shared a similar fate with his brothers.
My daughter is seperated from her siblings, but was presented to me that way. That is to say I came into the picture after the choice to adopte them as single children had already been made and her 2 sisters had already been adopted, one by the foster family that took her at the time of removal, the other by a family who adopted her from a group home she'd been sent to after being seperated from dd (they were the 2 youngest and originanally together) , and her brother is still in care...and will probably age out since he is 14 autistic, a perp of abuse, and mod. MR. She asks for her sister who was closest to her in age (was in the group home) and was OVER JOYED to find out she had been adopted and "wasn't a foster girl no more". It was in the childrens best interest that they be seperated from their older two siblings, I don't know about the younger two's seperation. No one had ever told her what became of her sister because "she never asked". Thankfully my dd sister's parents and I are in touch regularly with a photo exchange.
IF you do straight adopt....these choices will already have been made. Groups in the photo listings are the way they will be adopted. DD was on the photo listing as an only child.
Ask questions! Who knew what they were doing when they first started?
TXWannabemom...thanks so much for your response! And thank you to those who were nice enough to help me out. I really do appreciate it as I am obviously still learning the process. I did not realize by me seeing a foster child already separated from her siblings and me asking for clarification would cause such a stir. Nonetheless, I appreciate your feedback.
Steventwin...if you are offended by me calling your post rude then I am sorry. Please do not feel you have to post on my threads if I upset you. You were new to the process once too.
I did not realize by me seeing a foster child already separated from her siblings and me asking for clarification would cause such a stir. Nonetheless, I appreciate your feedback.
I already responded, but seeing this in your last post...then it makes a the original post it sounded as though all the kids were pictured together and were put on photolistings as a complete sibling unit for adoption. There are times where they have seperated and even though they have siblings...they are pictured by themselves as going to join a family as a single child...
The last pre-match I had (which I think has fallen through due to a relative wanting placement) was a 5 y/o girl that was going to be placed as a single child...she has a brother, however, he had other problems and the county had decided that these two would have to be in seperate homes....I never got to the full disclosure so I don't know why there was that decision made.
Hope all this information helped you out :)
My newest daughter was presented as a child to be adopted alone, even though she had 4 older siblings (being adopted together by a relative). We actually offered to adopt more than just the one, but were told only the youngest was available.
As I learned more of the situation, and the complicated dynamics between the children and the bio family, it made sense why the others shouldn't be separated, and the family member who took them simply could not do more. The youngest is a busy toddler, who needs security, time and attention, and the others are in school - "new mom" works full time, just got married, etc.
So yes, you can adopt them separately, but you don't get to make that decision. And it is important to honor the sibling relationship as they grow. My daughter will not remember her siblings, she is too young. But they will remember her. And she will likely go looking for them someday and vise versa. So while personal contact is a bad idea right now (for many reasons) I will keep in touch with the adoptive mother of the siblings, to keep that channel open for my daughter.
Thanks so much for clarifying this for me. I am still trying to process all the great information being thrown my way!!
I know of a sibling group that was listed on the website and it looked like they were listed separately, but when I inquired they said that they were only accepting studies that will take both. That was in August. I checked the website today and he is now listed separate and she is not listed at all. So sometimes like other posters stated, sibs may start as being placed together and things can happen and then they are placed separately.
Thank you should I check back on these websites regularly?
affirmative captain! Some websites don't change regularly other's I've seen sometimes once a day....
What does the listing say? Does the listing say that the children are siblings and that they are looking for a home for all of them? It does not matter where they are placed now.
When children come into care, sometimes there are not enough homes with enough spots for all the siblings. That does not mean, however, that the children are not going to be placed in an adoptive home together.
I think some got a little upset by your post because it did appear as if you saw a sibling group and just decided you wanted the one. To many, that is insensitive in that it seemed that your only thought to the situation is what you were looking for, when we are talking about children here.
I can't imagine being taken away from your parents for whatever reason and then being separated from your siblings. My kids are only four and five and the thought of them being separated rips my heart out.
Those kids at least deserve a chance at staying together and if they are listed as a sib group, I think it would be wrong to inquire about just one.
I have searched those photo listings before. When you search you search for how many children, race, age and so on. If you can only adopt one child at this time, why not search for single children?
I understand your point but many people jumped to conclusions without asking. No this child was listed separately, however when I read further, it said they were also part of a group. I was wondering why they were listed that way and if separation of sibling groups really happen? I was more shocked and trying to learn information, rather than wanting to split up a sibling group. Again, I will reiterate that I am NOT trying to split up a sibling group. I was just was looking and came across it and asked.
But that is what I mean. The listing should tell you whether they are looking to keep the sibs together or not. Is that what the listing said? That they are looking to keep them together? On one of the websites I used to go on, they would list the sibs separately but then link the profiles together. It usually would say that they were looking to keep the kids together or that they were looking for an afamily that was willing to continue contact with the sibling after adoption.
Bethany, it only said she was part of a sibling group. Nothing about keeping together so I asked. It was a while ago so I don't remember the rest but it wasn't clear so I asked the people on here. Either way it is a mute point. I am not looking for a sibling group. I was just inquiring on a site. I do see many profiles that tell you about siblings groups needing to stay together like you mentioned, but this was not one of them. Thanks for the interest!