Adoption Fell Through and Now trying to trust another Birthmother

Hi Everyone, I know the title sounds terrible, but here is the story. My dh & I decided to start the adoption process after 5 years of trying going on 6 years. We contacted an adoption attorney in 02/2009..Homestudy was completed in 07/2009. We got our first call that a birthmother wanted to meet us 09/2009. It was through an agency and we originally had not planned on going through an agency yet. We wanted to try and network and find our baby and do an adoption through our attorney. We were asked to come up with a large sum of money in a short time. We were not allowed to meet with the birthmother until all our 20 pages of paperwork was completed and our agency/application fees were paid. We paid them and then we met the birthmother. We all hit it off so good! She had ultrasound pictures and she had basically said she wanted to see us again. We left the meeting feeling so happy and scared. Will she change her mind will the bf sign his rights away...etc. Before out 2nd meeting I was corresponding with the birthmom through email. She asked me to come to her doctor appointment, but I had to decline. I ended up with the swine flu. I think this is where things started to turn around. In the meantime we received the contract via email to look over and sign and almost signed and started to pay the rest of the fees. Then we got a call that things have changed and she wanted to have lunch. At lunch the birthmom said she was wanting to look at other lifebooks. One of the things that was frustrating about this situation was she wanted us to pay for a couple months rent after the baby was born and her cost petition was well over $5,000. This should of been the clue. I knew the judge would not approve of all she was asking. So she told us that she was going to look at more lifebooks and then make her final decision. We were very supported of her but so emotionally attached to the baby already. I could feel my face go white when we were told this. I had to maintain my compsure. It was the worst thing ever....Then after 2 weeks of waiting and having a very difficult time getting any kind of answer out of the agency. I got the call that she had chosen another family out of state. I had already prepared and cried over this. One minute your buying baby clothes and thinking of names the next minute your heart is ripped out. This was our first experience with adoption. She is about to have the baby in a week and come to find out she is moving in with her boyfriend. The agency does not support this kind of action and they have no idea. Anyhow, it has been difficult. So my husband and I are very apprehensive with people taking advantage of us. We have another situation where a birthmom has found us through facebook of all places and wants us t oadopt her baby. This is great! But we are having a hard time fully trusting. I guess that is all we can do. We talk via email as well and I am mailing her our lifebook. The weird thing is she has no.,pictures or anything on facebook and she knows alot about us. It is an out of state adoption and the attorney in the other state says they seem genuine. I hope so...This has been harder than dealing with IVF treatments and all my infertility treatments I have gone through. We pray every day about finding our child we just pray that this birthmother really will be genuine. I admire women that put their babies up for adoption. It is a great gift! We just are trying to be realistic and we hope we make it all the way to the birth and beyond. Good Luck ladies on adopting I am cheering you on. I never realized adoption would be so hard. But we will never give up trying to build our family. God Bless!