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We've been there 2.5 years ago and know how you feel. I was angry, upset, empty, taken advantage of, etc and yes, we were asked for "extras" for a healthy referral that went to someone else that said yes to the "extras".
However, if we hadn't done that we wouldn't now have our beautiful daughter from Poland. She was just getting to the orphanage, when we were in Kiev and she wasn't close to being avl for adoption. So if we hadn't been through the corrupt Ukrainian system first we wouldn't have received her referral.
Foreign adoption and I imagine adoption itself is fraught with lack of communication and disappointment between agencies and parents, but I did feel that the process in Poland was completely above board. They tried to match the children with the profiles, they had read our homestudy, knew about our experience in Ukraine, and even went out of their way to help us feel comfortable with information that they typically wouldn't do because of this past experience. Once you have moved a bit past your grief, I would encourage you to look at other programs and determine if it is something you can do. Your child may still be waiting out there for you, just as ours was.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.