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We adopted our healthy 3.5 year-old son in March of this year. What we did find is that the diagnosis of mental delay is very wide.
Our son actually had a diagnosis of Hepatitis C, but after one testing, it shows, "we can tell that he had it at one time, but there is nothing definitive to show that he has it now." He also had a diagnosis of mental delay, but this is not true.His birth mother was Hep. C positive. We re-test next week.
He was our 2nd referral. The first referral, we were told that the little 5 year-old boy we visited was mentally delayed, but followed directions. He was very small as were all the children at that orphanage. We had no connection with him, but were heart broken to leave him there. We found out afterwards that he was in a special needs orphanage - once we noticed the drastic difference in the one he was in (Kharkiv) and the one our son was in (Nikolaev).
We were never asked for money from anyone at the SDA or our translator/facilitator in order to get a healthier child.
I do think that the relationship your translator/facilitator have with the SDA makes a difference.
I am sorry for your difficulties and know how you feel. We decided that if our 2nd referral did not work out, we were coming home. I don't think I could have taken the heartbreak of a second referral gone wrong.