RAD and food, fake hurts?

A couple questions for the RAD vets (since these are RAD-related behaviors): 1. My avoidant RADish has major food-related issues re: the dynamics of eating. Doesn't matter what food is presented, she "hates" it (but will eat and is often the first one done). No matter which restaurant we go to, she "hates" it (but again is cheery once the food arrives and is the first one done). To me it seems a clear control issue, so we've always allowed some control: "Which do you want--broccoli and carrots or corn with your spaghetti"? There was a time that she stayed home with one of us while the other went with the rest because she seemed to relish in making everyone else miserable. But then that one-on-one time with the other parent became a prize and so didn't improve the beeyatchiness she was showing the rest of the time. So, although we still try to take one-on-one time/activities with each kid, we don't keep her home while everyone else eats out once a week anymore. (The ironic thing is she ALWAYS orders spaghetti at every restaurant, so not sure why she hates every restaurant when her meal is always the same.) NOTE: Attachment therpapist sent us to see a nutrition counselor who has worked with AD kids with food issues before, but we're not happy with what she advised: 1) we determine the WHAT (what food is offered), WHEN (specific, structured meal and snack times--3 meals, 3 snacks a day for an 11-yr-old!), and the WHERE (at the dinner table, not in front of TV, on the go, etc.). That part we could live with, but: our avoidant, moderately RAD kid should then decide the HOW MUCH (to eat...so if she wants helping after helping, we're supposed to just make more food. And yes, this one will gorge until she pukes and then her sibs will follow suit!) and the WHETHER (so if she supposedly "hates" everything on the table, she's welcome not to eat anything until the next snack/meal. I don't think she'd actually do that, though, as she's always "starving!" and once we act like we're willing to throw it away or give it to the dog, she'll shove it in her mouth when our backs are turned. Ha!)...NOTE: Our kids were severely neglected, so they all have food issues, but hers are the worst. 2. My eldest who is a charmer and cozies up to new teachers and parent classroom helpers has called home several times this year (w/in last 9 weeks) with minor pain complaints. (Fell in gym, cried, sent to office to put on ice, back to class...3 hours later, still complaining, so rather than deal with the complaining, teacher sends her to the office to call Mom to bring her some Tylenol. I never do--can't leave work in middle of day unless it's serious. That's why they have a nurse at school! Called about "bumping" into another kid at recess. Headband is giving her a headache. Fingers are sore from a too-long math test, etc., etc.) Anyway, today it's her ears. She got her ears pierced over the weekend (we've put it off for 2 years. She tried piercing herself a few months ago, so we finally relented and told her on her 12th bday). Ears have been fine thru weekend, but today, first day back to school, she has been complaining all morning about her ears hurting. Teacher finally called me and asked me to bring Tylenol. Good grief! It's four days later, they are perfectly healthy (no swelling or redness), there's no way they can still hurt--is there? :rolleyes: So she put kiddo on phone and I gave her two choices: 1) Mom will leave work, come to school, remove earrings and that's it--no more earrings until she's a grown up, or 2) she can run some cold water over her earlobes and suck it up and be a "big girl" now that she's 12. She chose the latter, and her tone of voice went from babyish whining with tears (I can picture her face as she's speaking just by her tone), to a more solid, fuller volume, "OK, Mom, I'll do that. I want to keep my ears pierced." So was I too hard on my RADish? Is what I'm thinking true--that this is her latest way to get attention and prove to the teachers that I'm abusing her? (Her teacher always sounds so disgusted when I tell her that "no, I'm not going to bring her medicine. She's fine, she just needs to xxxx..." or "This is her way of getting attention...") NOTE: My kids have only been at this new school for 9 weeks, so they're still fairly new and the teachers haven't seen the real RAD stuff yet....OR is it possible that my kiddo's newly pierced ears are really hurting, 4 days after they were pierced. (By day 2 she said they were feeling fine. Does the pain come back several days later? I was 10 when I had mine pierced, but I remember not crying and the pain, though intense, lasted only a few moments. I don't remember recurring pain. ???) Thanks for your help!