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Here's my story. My hubby and I were placed with a 2 day old baby a year ago and we still have him. His older brothers are now 2 and 4 and have been bounced around and are now in their 3rd foster home. I thought I had made it clear to my CW that we would take them if there was ever a need, but unfortunately, they kept getting "moved" and we would not find out until after the fact. When I asked my CW about it, she would say that she didn't want them disrupted again so they would stay where they were. :( Today I was contacted by placement to ask if I would take my fs's brothers because their placement was "falling apart." Yes!! I'll take them. Later I got off the phone with their current foster mom and she tells me the 4yr old has RAD symptoms! Though that is a little intimidating, I'm committed to these kids! So here it goes... I'm very happy to take my fs's brothers because I want to have them together in the same home and I want the opportunity to love on these boys. RU is expected for the 2 and 4 yr old within the next couple of months. My 1 year old is a half sibling and is going toward TPR. But I'm frustrated with the current foster mom!! Why couldn't she just stick it out for a couple more months so these little boys wouldn't have to transition AGAIN!!!??! AND I would love any advice ya'll have about RAD. I'm familiar with it through reading and discussing, but have never had a child with it. I'd love any advice you can give me!
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Well RAD isn't all that fun and remember that maybe his behaviors were just to much for the foster mom to handle. My six children that have RAD are considered to be moderate on the scale. I thank God everyday that I don't have RAD kids that pee in the heat vents or in the flower pots. I have a friend whos RAD child crawls out the second story window and poops on the roof. I personally would find that very hard to cope with! My children came to me from multiple placements. In their previous foster homes they weren't bonding at all. Their SW's noticed within 2 weeks that we were doing something different because the children were completely different. (And it wasn't just a honey moon phase. Trust me that didn't last but a couple of hours :) Personally we really don't know what we are doing that is working. We are just treating the children like we would any other. We are open about their pasts and talk about it often to demonstrate that we understand where they are coming from. I, like you, was committed at all costs to keeping these children together. Don't get me wrong, there are days I wake up and wonder what in the heck were we thinking. They are a handful but if my hands weren't full then they would be empty. I personally think that the severity of RAD behaviors/symptoms are in somehow related to how well of a match the foster parent and the child are. Good luck!
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o2b30again
I personally think that the severity of RAD behaviors/symptoms are in somehow related to how well of a match the foster parent and the child are.
sarahdaisy
Should I keep him in a crib since he's used to that?
sarahdaisy
That was so encouraging to me! After talking with their current foster mom some more yesterday, I am SO thankful that these little guys are coming to my house. It definitely sounds like they were too much for her.
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Keep him in the crib. You may find that within a couple of weeks you are moving to a toddler bed. We kept our littlest in a crib for just a bit, although sh was only 14m, we moved her to a toddler bed. The crib turned out to be part of her PTSD symptoms. Boy did sleep improve when she moved to her toddler bed...both hers and mine :)
sarahdaisy
My hubby and I were placed with a 2 day old baby a year ago and we still have him. His older brothers are now 2 and 4 and have been bounced around and are now in their 3rd foster home. Why couldn't she just stick it out for a couple more months so these little boys wouldn't have to transition AGAIN!!!??!
Thank you Kat-L. I have been trying to figure out how to reply to this, and just couldn't do it.RAD is RAD no matter what. To say that the behaviors are because of the foster parents is truly an insult to all of the parents with RAD children.
I personally think that the severity of RAD behaviors/symptoms are in somehow related to how well of a match the foster parent and the child are.
Sarahdaisy: In your original post you asked for tips on dealing with RAD kids. I would very much recommend taking a look at books by Daniel Hughes such as "Attachmment Focused Parenting" and "Facilitating Developmental Attachment: The Road to Emotional Recovery and Behaviorl Change n Foster and Adopted Children" als take a look at the work of Heather T. Forbes "Beyond Logic, Consequenses and Control." Forbes also has workshops, webcasts and a blog all dedicated to working with attachment challenged kids. Use your resources and know that parenting RAD kids can take a different approach. Be kind to yourself as you learn how to deal with these kids. Good for them that you are stepping up to the challenge. Good luck on your journey.
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Has there been a RAD diagnosis? My dd had many RAD symptoms when she was placed at almost 4yo. I didn't know anything about RAD and was pointed in that direction by this site. I read everything I could, continued with her play therapy and had her evaluated. I became pretty convinced that she had RAD and her doctor was in agreement and wanted to prescribe more than one medication for her. I decided not to medicate her and instead looked for a RAD therapist because everything that I was reading told me that the play therapy she was in was the opposite of what she needed. To make a long story short, while I was trying to find a suitable therapist, I used books about RAD as reference and tailored my parenting to her needs. I identified her need for closure with a previous foster parent and was able to help her get that closure. Her adoption was finalized when she was almost five and this added some stability. Things started to even out over time. She is now just an awesome, regular kid. She is not in therapy or on medications. She is bossy to the core and learning how to manage that as time goes by. My point for this long post is that my dd doesn't have RAD. She likely was suffering from anxiety, depression, PTSD... We went through hell for a year and some days weren't sure we would make it and she didn't have RAD. RAD is a very serious diagnosis and there is a big difference between having RAD symptoms and actually having RAD. I'm curious if the term is being used too loosely in some cases. I hope that is the case for these boys. I saw in your signature that you are expecting placement of twins in the near future. Please find out more about these boys before you make any decisions. Maybe you can speak to his doctor or therapist. I mean no disrespect and I truly wish the best for you but I don't think you realize what caring for a child with RAD will entail. I just hope you can go into it armed with information and eyes wide open! Best of luck to you and all the boys! And a big shout out to all moms of kids with RAD! :love:
No, there has not been a RAD diagnosis. Their current foster mom said that she sees symptoms of RAD in the 4-year old. I am thankful that there were foster parents to take these boys when they needed a home. I just wish I could have gotten them sooner so as to lessen the amounts of transitions they have had to go through. c.a., thank you for all the book suggestions. I will definitely look them up.