What Q to ask / info to look for??

You might cross post this on the Special Needs forum. I believe there is someone there with a good list of questions for disclosure meetings for special needs children. Good luck!

With my dd- this is a part of her language delays and auditory processing differnce. Because she spent so much time in large group care, and in a birth home where she suffered severe neglect....she had little real understanding of language and was missing vocab for day to day items. So when I ask her anything, I pause then have her repeat back to me what I've said. We do thins until I know she understands the task or concept.Sometimes, for my dd, it is her RAD way of controlling the situation to pretend like she doesn't get it or to force adult attention by "needing help". Other times it is clearly that she missed the 3-4 yr old time of putting to gether proceeses to get to the goal. That she is well behaved is a good thing and was one of the things I waselated about when I got information about my dd....that while she had many challenges, her teachers viewed her as a "good girl". I was glad someone had spoken positivity in to her life. In her file I'd look for: Educational Evals- diagnosis of ADD, RAD, PTSD, MR or PDD AND Auditory processing delays, SPD, laguage/speech therapy at any point in the past. Emotional/ therapy notes for the same diagnosises If she has any of those I would not be so worried about IQ tests, because she could not focus enough to "perform" most likely. For a child of 9- This seems (my opinion after one sentence of her file :) ) like pretty common situation for a child in foster care. Delays are VERY common.

Thanks so much, your list helps a lot! In the minimal amount of "overview" info we were given, her behaviors all seemed very very normal for the age and the only things they said (and I quoted here) that they used to "support" a "moderate mental impairment" label didn't seem to jive with what they said her daily functioning is. I even went back over it and asked "what else?" because I was like "big deal, so what, wouldn't that be a common thing for a child in this situation?" But I don't have to have blinders on either. Can't WAIT for the disclosure meeting to find out all the details and move ahead.

I think they have to be very careful, because what's normal for our kids isn't 'normal' in the world. So they get disruptions when people go in thinking this will be a 9 yr old, and thier 9 yr old is really 7 or 6 or 5 developmentally speaking. Because you get it, you can see the "uh duh!" ness of the situation. And that's whats going to make you a good parent. Preparation for the worst & hopin for the best!

I would ask to have those labels explained specifically by someone who has actually met the child, such as a case worker. With our girls, adopted at age 8 and 9, I phoned the teachers at their school to specifically discuss each one. Keep in mind that those mild/moderate labels on the case file might not even be accurate. My oldest was described as "bright and does well in school," when in reality, she is severely learning disabled and receives special education services. I would want to know exactly who arrived at the labels and why.

I would ask to see her IEP and MFE from her school. Looking that over will give you a picture of what she is working on and presently able to do. I have 2 very sweet students with cognitive delays that will always need help with skills like money and reading, but are hard workers and can have great futures. Good luck.