Confessions...

Leah - hope that made you feel a bit better. (being angry at things seem to help me at times, is what I mean) Even if marginally as I know your son is in surgery right now. ((HUGS)) Inadequate response I know, but guess I want you to know I appreciate that honesty.Ark - I have felt that hurt at times too even knowing it's so normal and natural if not necessary for my dd to miss her bmom. Sometimes not being "enough" or "everything" stinks regardless of the logistics and understanding of it.

i confess that i completely renamed my last 3 kids just because i wanted to....and now i feel guilty about it. while i know it is just a name and i will gladly pay for them to add their names back in or change their names completely when they are adults....i wish i would not have done it in the first place. at the time i was thinking about myself....and not about them and how they might feel.

I confess that... 1. Being a single parent is tuff even though i have the "best" baby in the world. 2. I am happy that my adoption is more closed than open.(no flames please it was a mutual decision from the very beginning) 3. I am thrilled that my daughter looks more like me everyday. 4. I am thrilled beyond words that my cousin from Africa will be coming over so I can get away from the house and have some "grown up time". 5. Last but not least I am addicted to this forum and am here alot. It was nice to detox for two days.

I feel that way too, about "asking" his birth mom to use our full name on his original birth certificate because it might be confusing to him in the future. I'm such an idiot. Then i looked into changing his middle name legally. I'm going to wait though, it was soooo complicated and the fact that we adopted him made the paperwork issue even more complicated. I'm going to let him know for sure what she WANTED to name him and ask him if he wants to make that his middle or even first name....maybe not this year though. :prop:

I confess that there are many, many times that I am exhausted with listening to Bubba tell me how great Barbie was/is. I confess that I am happy that the judge gave us a closed adoption and I don't have to navigate that particular sea. I wish every day that their mom would have pulled it together and gotten them back. I also wish every day that the state would have taken them away sooner and saved them the physical trauma. I'm tired of being the one who has to play nice and be positive about their bio mom. I'm afraid that if I don't the kids will cut and run the minute they hit 18. I confess that I just want to tell people to mind their own whenever they ask me why Barbie didn't get them back. I especially want to smack someone whenever they ask if there's something wrong with my kids because of how they came to be here. I love being able to see the dark humor in this whole thing. Only other people from the inside get why it's funny. Unfortunately, in our town, our family is the only one on the inside. I lose too many minutes a day checking what's going on here because this is more real to me than some of the conversations I have with IRL folks. I am jealous that I am not Bubba's first choice for mom, but rejoice when Flowergirl tells me that I'm the best mom she ever had. Also, I worry too much.

Robin that was a great list. I love the positive and negative all mushed into the dark and light because that's life, don't you think? ((((hugs)))))

I think Crick said somewhere that all sides can play? I confess that sometimes I wish I had chosen Cupcake's Mom (or Dad or parents) - and that means confessing that I've had thoughts in the past that I wouldn't have chosen Dee. I confess that I LOVE that Cupcake looks like me, and when the three of us are out together the more obvious guess would be that I'm her Mom. I confess that I sometimes give in to the desire to whine and complain and blow things completely out of proportion. I confess that sometimes on visits I want to be anywhere else in the world, except for at the visit. Not because it's too much, too scary, too emotional, but because I really question if it's meaning anything to Cupcake or if it's a waste of her time. And I'd be devastated to find that out. So head in the sand sounds better. I confess that it really bothers me when people criticize something that sounds very close to my experience and then follow it up with, "But I don't mean YOU of course." I don't want to be seen as the exception to your rule, and I don't like being cast in that role. I confess that some of the parenting decisions Cupcake's Mom make worry me. And I confess that I have a really hard time dealing with that. I confess that for the first time since Cupcake was born I've had a few amazing days where, while I think of her every day, thoughts of her don't consume and overwhelm me. And even more of a confession for me, is that I don't feel guilty about it. I love my daughter AND I love my life. And that's okay too.

I confess... I'm dying to bring our baby home and know what it feels like to be a "family". I've grown immensely from reading threads about all sides of the triad and I'm very greatful for that. Even if I completely disagree with whats said at the time. I often see pregnant women and feel envious because they just don't have to think about everything. Sometimes I get so tired of thinking. My greatest hope is that we will be able to adopt a baby and have open communication with the birth family. My greatest fear is that I won't be able to share. I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in here because we haven't adopted yet. I think inappropriate joking about a bad situation is so appropriate.

I confess that I sometimes wish that we didn't agree to so much communication with DD's bmom. Especially because as the years go on it is all my work and no responses. I also confess that not getting any responses makes it easier to sometimes forget that I am not DD's only mom. I confess that I love how we formed our family and hate having to defend why I think OA is better for my DD to outsiders all the time. If I want DD to see her bmom once a year I can do that and shouldn't be judged by family and friends. Accept me and my decisions PLEASE!! I confess that I want to be with DD more but am not sure I have the patience to be a stay at home mom. Finally, I confess that I want to be on a.com more but feel torn when I do that I am focusing too much on adoption and not enough on my DD.

I love this thread, but my thoughts are all over the place and this will probably be a jumbled mess.... First of all I confess to being insanely jealous of people with healthy kids and I confess to wanting to smack one of my dearest friends everytime she talks about and cries about how hard her life is and how awful it is that her kid has juevenile diabetes(good thing I only see her about once a year now) - not trying to say that isn't serious - but like DDW, I will most likely outlive my daughter, that is my reality so please don't complain to me about your kid needing insulin shots and feeling weird at school cuz he has to go to the nurse to test his blood sugar. I also confess to laughing when one of my other friends' cried about her daughter having asthma and how awful nebulizer treatments are (uhm... yeah... at that time we were doing them 4x a day, EVERY day). I confess to wishing I'd given birth to my daughter so I could have been there for her the first 2.5 years of her life, especially when she was in the hospital or having surgeries. I also confess to feeling lucky that I didn't as I'm not sure my marriage or my family could have survived all the stress and emotion that having a newborn who is sooo sick would have brought. I confess to thinking sometimes I live on another planet than most of the world who are worried about their kids' grades, or swim team times or whatever other thing I know is important to the rest of the world but seems trivial to me. I confess to feeling in a way fortunate that my daughter has her health "issues", because we focus SO much on those things that we don't ever seem to worry about adoption "issues". I confess to almost NEVER correcting anyone when they say "she looks just like her mommy" because, really she does look like me and random strangers do not need to know our personal business. I also confess to feeling like the luckiest mom in the world cuz I get to be Em's mom!

I confess that I wanted to toss my cookies when our 4 year old's biological mother sent balloons and a teddy bear for her birthday and signed it "Mommy K". I deal with TT's all day, sickness, strong will, etc. I confess that as much as I respect the biological mother's of each of my children, I wish that two of them hadn't used drugs and alcohol so that those children have to work harder in school to keep up those A's and B's. I confess that I'm glad we are an interracial family with 4 gorgeous children that look nothing like me. It makes us interesting and people remember us. And it is good.

I didn't confess earlier when I posted. So here it goes: I confess I sometimes want to slap our BM upside the head and say "Duh, Birth Control". (she's pregnant again, with #4 in three years) I confess I get a stupid look on my face when people ask me about delivering the twinks (I dunno ... I wasn't there ... they came to us at 2 & 3 months) I confess that the twinks are the greatest thing in the world and I am so blessed to have them. I confess that even though I believe the confession above, I sometimes sit and read my Kindle instead of getting down on the floor and playing with them. I confess that I get jealous that there is another person / mother in their life that I have to share them with. I confess I don't always believe the stuff I tell my mother about how great open adoption is (it's hard ... a pain in the arse).

Great Thread! I confess: That I sometimes enjoy the fact that DD looks more like me than BirthMom That some days I am mad at birthmom for putting DD thru a horrible start in life. That when I found out recently that DD has Sensory Processing Disorder I wanted to drive to birthmom's house and kick her _ _ _! That some days my heart breaks for DD because she won't ever know her birthfamily. That some days my heart breaks for birthmom because she is missing out on SO MUCH! That I am grateful to birthmom for not fighting what was inevitable and not dragging this process out forever. That I am grateful to birthmom for my beautiful Angel. That I am mad at birthdad for not at least providing some family information or medical information that my DD could utilize later in life. That I am not enjoying my Daughter being 2. I am tired of people with healthy children telling me "She's just a typical 2 year old", when they have no idea what it is like to live with a child with Sensory Disorder. I am grateful for everyone on this board. As you all help me stay sane.

Great thread!I confess that I'm angry at my kids' birthparents for pretty much 'deleting' them from their life.I confess that I, also, would like to smack my kids birthparents and tell them 'duh, birth control' (they're the 3rd and 4th child they've placed for adoption).I confess that I'm glad we have a closed adoption for those reasons, and because it makes it so much easier to 'forget' that they were adopted.I confess that I'm still really sad my kids will never get to know their birthparents and birthsiblings.I confess that I really wish I had given birth to them, so I wouldn't have to worry about what they will think about their adoption when they are older.I confess that I'm a really bad SAHM, considering that I was actually never much of a kids person and that, no matter how much I love my kids, I need my 'me time' and I just can't spend the whole day interacting with them.

I confess that it hurts when my phone rings but it's not the call I was waiting for. I confess that I hate some people for their decisions and that it drives me nuts when I can't change them. I confess that I am very patient with my job/kids I work with but have absolutely no patience for this waiting. I confess that when others tell me, "it will all work out in the end" and I agree that I am worried that it won't. I confess that if this foster care/adoption route doesn't work soon, I will give up and just go for a bio child and that it might be a mistake. I confess that it makes me a little happy to know that people are feeling like me, even if it means others are hurting too.