Meeting My Younger Half-Siblings... Help!

April 27, 2010

I can understand how you'd feel nervous about meeting your half-siblings, particularly given the fact that they're in the not-so-sensitive adolescent years. FYI - Here's an excerpt about sibling reunions from the Post-Adoption Resource Centre in Sydney, state of NSW, Australia [URL="http://www.bensoc.org.au/uploads/documents/IS18_Siblings_in_NSW.pdf"]http://www.bensoc.org.au/uploads/documents/IS18_Siblings_in_NSW.pdf[/URL]

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How do sibling reunions work out?
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[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=Arial][FONT=Arial]In “Birth Bond” by Gediman, while discussing post-reunion experiences of 300 birthmothers, the author wrote “the absence of a shared upbringing does not preclude the possibility of strong, even instantaneous kindred feelings”. It is noted that the relationship between siblings is “less likely to be de-railed by unresolved issues” (e.g. by the adopted person feeling that they were rejected by the birth mother) and that the fact that the siblings are closer in age can make it easier to communicate with a newly found sibling than with a parent.

Our experience at PARC is that sibling reunions can be as complex as other reunion relationships. There may be complete disinterest and hostility (e.g. the birth mother’s eldest child may feel deprived of their position or may exhibit sibling jealousy and resentment, particularly if one sibling has had a better life and more opportunities than the other.) Lifestyle, education, religion, interests and occupations can be so different that siblings have no common ground for a relationship.

Alternatively, warm and happy long-term relationships can grow, e.g. two siblings discover they have much in common and they develop a close relationship. At the opposite end of the spectrum, opposite sex siblings may be very strongly drawn to each other. The strength of this attraction can be of a sexual nature and without the taboos which are built in when siblings have been brought up together. It can require determination, clear thinking and care for any pre-existing significant relationships to avert the damaging affects of the this kind of attraction. If you would like to talk to one of our counsellors or do some reading on this and other relationship issues that may affect sibling reunions, give us a call.

Wherever your relationship travels, you will experience many “ups and downs” - as in most relationships. Most siblings advise “take your time, don’t rush, you’ve got the rest of your life” and “I give the other person space when they need it.” Lasting relationships can best occur when each sibling has been able to put themself in the

shoes of the other; so if you are adopted, you may benefit by finding out about birth families, the grief of the birthparent and how that impacts on the other children.

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