Question about ear piercing

Definitely get written permission. Since your birth parents are not available you should talk with your CW. It will probably depend on where this case is going as to whether or not she/he will give permission. Are you the prospective adoptive family, how old is the child, etc. Chancey asked why you would want to get the procedure done so I wanted to add that for us (both myself and my FD's birth mom are Hispanic) it is very much a cultural thing. Birth mom asked me if I would pierce the baby's ears and since if this had been my own birth child I would not even think twice about it, I talked with our CW and took birth mom with us during a visit to have them pierced. FD was was 4 months old. Yes, it is cosmetic but for many Hispanics it's just how we do things. :)

In Illinois we have to have permission to do anything that will physically alter a child's appearance; Hair (cut, color, straightening) piercings, and tattoos! I know of many people who have had it done with approval, but I also have a friend who had a daughter who wanted it done very badly and had to wait until after adoption, because even after termination, the cw wouldn't approve it!

Yes, I married into a Hispanic family, so I know the culture in regards to ear piercing. The issue here is the mom is NOT asking for it, the foster mom is. If the mom was asking for it, it wouldn't be an issue for me. Why can't the fosters parents just wait until this child is in their forever home before doing this? Why does the foster mom feel like she has to have a child ear's pierced when that child is not hers yet. AND, just because she may have beliefs on ear piercing does not mean that she should have it done to a child that is not hers. Your argument that this might be a culture identity thing is similar to saying an AA child's hair needs to be straightened if they are staying with a anglo family - wrong on all counts.

I'm also in the camp of waiting unless a biomom specifically asks for it or until a fd has been adopted. Why? We are a hispanic family yet our denomination is split on jewlry (beauty not coming from outward adornments) so some people do wear jewlry tastefully and in small amounts like our family and some don't....so it would be a mistake to just assume that because a child is x, that culturally it would be ok to pierce.... That aside, I personally believe that a girl should get their ears pierced when she asks for them and not before...so I was 16, and (assuming finalization happens) I won't do L's until she verbalizes that she wants that. Since foster parents need bio parent's permission on many things (e.g. hair, piercing, hair coloring etc.) I would make sure bio parent was on board or if a FD is old enough, then I would tell my FD to ask her sw and discuss it with her... just my 2 cents...take it or leave it :)

We are not allowed to get piercings done period. That has to wait until either adoption or reunification.

This has been a constant source of problems with our FD as well. She really wants her ears pierced and her mom is dead set against it. OF COURSE, non custodial dad who lives in another state uses every opportunity he can to tell her that he fully supports her decision to have her ears pierced. GRR! We were told regardless it's the parent's decision. This is one of those times CW will not override. (and rightly so IMO.)

I was not submitting an argument, I was just sharing my experience with this topic. And giving one example as to why someone might want to pierce their FD's ears.I don't think we have enough information on this situation to be quick with the rebuttals. Maybe this FC is 15 and asking for her ears to be pierced. Maybe the case is on it's way to TPR and this FM will be adopting. Maybe this family and the child are Hispanic, or of some other culture where piercing is the norm, and they just want to know when they can get on with what we do. Who knows. The OP is just asking for some insight. :)

Bring it up to the social worker. Kaspo: you have to have permission for a foster child to play sports or go to camp? wow!! They tell us in MAPP classes to treat foster kids like our own. If their bios don't give permission, how does that happen? I had to get permission to take kiddies in vacation but all the cw's said if the bios didnt' give approval, they would. Re: Hair. I'm AA. I had a 6 yo AA boy. with an Angela Davis afro. Now, I'm not good with hair. At all. I argued with fs's bio mom for months to get it cut. CW agreed with me. He played and hair wasn't neat. I'm a single parent and I commute. and it irks me to have messy hair on a boy. After arguing for 3 months, I got it cut. It grows back. I felt it was totally unfair for him to go out with me or my mom with sloppy hair because his bio mom didn't want it cut.

Any activity that requires a permission slip to be signed by legal gaurdian/parent has to be signed by just that person... As a FP I am neither of those things so I have to get the parents to sign it. However, if mom or dad can't be found usualy the CW has no problem signing it.

Why do so many people automatically jump in with the judgment? i don't see anything in her signature that says how old the child is or any other details. If the child is a teen and begging for it to be done and the bios are MIA, it's a legitimate question to ask (and the proper answer is "Ask your CW"; no judgment or assumptions required.) So often these kids wait literally years for permanency. If they can act like "regular kids" in the meantime (in ways that aren't hurting anyone and that the bios and foster parents don't object to), why shouldn't they? How hard would it be for a teen to be forced to tell their friends, who want to get their ears pierced together, that she can't because her mom is MIA and she's "just" a foster kid so her foster mom can't say yes? Or for goodness' sake a boy who doesn't want long hair being forced to keep it because he's in the system for 3 years and his parents don't want him to get it cut. Older kids should have SOME say in the matter when their bios are selfish or stubborn or missing. Foster parents should be able to advocate for their fk's needs (and in some cases, wants).

Well said, Fredalina.

I would normally say, just ask the CW, especially if it is the child who is asking for it and the child is of an age to understand what it means to have your ears pierced and is capable of caring for them as required.I'm pretty sure the child in this case is an infant, so to me, this is more about foster mom's wishes than the baby's.I know the arguments for ear piercing as an infant and those against, I know the ones for culture as well, but I don't see any of that in this case as it is currently. So I would urge the foster mom to shelve the idea for the time being.

Compared to some threads on here, there was nothing blaringly judgemental....just caution on getting ears pierced and who should give permission....if it's a baby, most people were saying let it go...if it was an older girl people said "talk to CW". People's posts are not AUTOMATICALLY judgemental....I know we live in a PC world but honestly this is a rated G thread....have you seen some of the ones here?

Well, I'm going to chime in here and make a statement that will not be popular. I think kids should only get their ears pierced when they are old enough to walk into the booth on their own and understand that, yes, it will hurt. Getting your ears pierced, whether for cosmetic purposed or cultural purposes hurts! The baby's don't understand why, then they try to rest and hit their ear on the carseat, mattress, whatever and it throbs again. I jjust don't understand why it is ok to hold an infant or young child down, push a staple in their ear and then wonder why they are screaming and can't rest for the next week. There I said it. Can you tell this is one of my pet peeves? (Sorry if I offended anyone, I am in a grouchy mood-P had a major meltdown last night and this morning. She dosen't want to be a "foster kid" anymore. She wants her family and she's probably not going to get them.)

Well, the OP did not say what the age of the child is, but it looks as if it is an infant/toddler. If not, she would have said the teen/tween is asking for her ears to be pierced. It sounds as if it is a very young child and that is where my posts are based from. I still don't think it is right for a foster parent on a young child to request for the ears to be pierced. If in fact it was a teen asking, I will clarify that I would indeed feel differently.AND, for that matter about being judgmental, aren't you doing the same?