Openness with birthparents

I think you're right to ask if you can meet them either where they live or at a neutral location. It's better to be safe than sorry. After you meet them, you can decide if these are people you can have a relationship with. :hippie:

New relationships are so tough - especially when there's a child at stake. I can understand the bps wanting to seewhere/how you live. What faster way to get a sense of whom you're entrusting with your baby. But I also understand the desire not to open up so quickly Perhaps counter with, "we'd like our first visit to be some place midway, but later on, we'd love you share our home with you"?

I wouldn't agree to anything you're not comfortable with. The level of openness would be okay for some, but if it's not right for you, you need to make that known. Also, the request to meet in your house would be too much for me. Many bparents make a decision to place without making a judgment on what the inside of the aparents' house looks like. Their needing to be in my home at this early stage would make me take pause, to be honest, but that's just me. And what if you find that you are not entirely comfortable with them - now they know where you live. I think that when the desire to have a child can be so overwhelming that one's judgment can become clouded (believe me, we've been there). You need to have your own set of terms as well, and the two parties should come to a compromise that makes everyone involved satisfied.

Thanks again for your insight. We spoke with the agency and voiced our concerns. They are waiting for documents from expectant parents, they will call them once they are received. So hopefully it isn't a deal breaker.

It is a hard thing to try to make these decisions, and especially so when there is a real possibility to wrap your heads round. I think it is entirely appriopriate to meet them at a neutral location for both your sake and that of the expecting parents. It doesn't mean you aren't open to the possibility of them visiting your home later on and vice versa. As intimate a situation that you are considering with them, you are strangers. This, of course, if in fact you are definitely open to the level of contact and openness they are wanting/expecting on down the road. If that level of openness is not something you are willing to commit to, it might be a situation where you need to say 'no' to, especially if it is a deal breaker for the expecting parents. But this first meeting might be a determining factor in that as well. Hubs and I had a hard time wrapping our heads around a fully open adoption until the day DD was born and we became so strongly connected to her and her first family (we had only met her other mom 48 hours earlier). Now, it's been loads of work but we always feel like we are wishing for more contact.