Nature vs. Nurture

I was reading a bit of this on the other thread, but I didn't want to hijacks hers, but I had to share this new info we just got. So when we were "offered" Ty most of the other families at the agency would not be shown to M because her other son has a significant heart problem. I don't know the name of it, but it's in our records somewhere. It's a heart defect that is likely genetic, but they had already ultra sounded Ty, and he was OK. We had no problem with that. We came home with out beautiful kiddo, and as most of you know, DH was almost immediately put into the CICU in heart failure. They said it was viral and all this other stuff...but basically, there was no "reason" for it. When he was on the regular cardiac floor recoving from the di-fib surgery Dr. Neil came to see him and talked with us a little bit about a genetics study he was doing he was wondering if he would participate, even though it seemed like DH Cardiomyopothy was caused by a virus (mainly because DH was so young). It was a few blood draws and they would pay for parking and what not, so DH said sure...no biggie. That was 2 years ago. We just got word that DH's DNA indicates that he was genetically a carrier for cardiomyopothy! They want to test his entire family to make sure it's a trait that's been passed on and not a mutation, but they are really excited about "finding" DH. Isn't life weird? So many people turned down Ty because he "might" be a gentic carrier for heart problems. We said yes, and DH is a genetic carrier for heart stuff too...if we had a bio child instead of adopting, most likely they would be carriers as well... Who knew all this junk? I mean to have his DNA broken down and be told, "Yes, genetically, there was no way you could avoid this." No "nurture" could have prevented this. So even when you know, you don't know...honestly...Tyler was our "healthy" newborn. No exposure, nothing. Just this potential as a carrier for a heart defect. Matty was our "special needs" adoption. They are in exactly opposite places now. Matty is screening out of EI because he is above age level in everything. I've never seen a kid with the attention to detail and learning like him. Ty gets EI 3X per week and our next step if figuring out an IEP for preschool. Honestly, so much of it all is a leap of faith. I think they let us say "yes and no" to all those things to make us feel like we have control. Really, just like with bio kids, you get what you get and then you nurture that child as best you can. Maybe someday we'll all know about our exact DNA, but till then, having a bio child is just as big a gamble as adopting for most people! We have no clue what we're made up of. I guess what I want to say is I really don't there is a "vs" in all of it, and I find it interesting that this term is really only used with adoption...like we as adoptive parents are required to nuture them to overcome their adoptive genetics. What's saying their adoptive genetics or "nature" are so much worse than ours?