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Shadow, I've wondered some of the same kinds of things. I'm an AP and I guess it gets hard to have the birth mom referred to as "the REAL mom" or be the one that gets searched for and has a wonderful reunion and relationship with the child in so many peoples' minds and in so many stories. Sometimes the adoptive mom seems to be a sort of stand-in for the real mom until she (real mom) and the child can be reunited.
Don't get me wrong! Reunification can be a wonderful relationship! Birth moms are really moms, too. It's just that there does seem to be this "vs." instead of "and" when it comes to the nature/nurture issue, and the birth mom/adoptive mom relationship.
Adoptive parents often do take a huge leap of faith that seems to be so huge because they "choose" to do it. With being a bio parent there is an equal leap of faith but I think it is perhaps less visible. We (as humans) often like to think we have more control over our own biology or something. :evilgrin: I guess my thought about the leap of faith that defines being a parent is that sometimes it's all smoke and mirrors - we THINK we know this or that, and we THINK this is a guarantee or that is a sure bet, but...life is full of unexpected turns! There's always something out there waiting to jump up and scare you spitless. Especially where your kids are concerned! :eek: